Tag: sexuality

Tonight-Dec 20-The Erotic Literary Salon/Adult Sex-Ed Salon-Live, What Can We Do to Ensure Freedom to Love?

Martha Cornog, Salon attendee and author of several books including The Big Book of Masturbation, compiled this excellent list of nonprofit organizations I urge you to support.

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http://www.celesteprize.com/artwork/ido:92178/

 

What Can We Do to Ensure Freedom to Love?

Making America Healthy and Promoting Tolerance

Those of us at the Erotic Literary Salon may not have all voted in the same way. But I think we all support the right to love as we choose, read and speak freely, and have sovereignty over our own bodies and health care.

Many, many nonprofit organizations work towards these goals. Here are a few in Philadelphia worthy of support in the form of contributions and volunteering.

 

Planned Parenthood of Southeastern Pennsylvania

Elizabeth Blackwell at Locust Street
1144 Locust Street
Philadelphia, PA 19107
215-351-5560

[see website for centers at other locations]

https://www.plannedparenthood.org/planned-parenthood-southeastern-pennsylvania

PPSP’s mission is to protect and enhance reproductive freedom, increase access to reproductive health services and information, and promote sexual health. Planned Parenthood comes under fire constantly for performing abortions. Yet most of their work centers in providing affordable health care and contraception to women. And promoting consistent use of effective contraception is one of the best ways to eliminate abortion.

 

American Civil Liberties Union of Pennsylvania

1401 John F Kennedy Blvd

Philadelphia, PA 19103

215-592-1513

https://www.aclupa.org/

“Through advocacy, education and litigation, our attorneys, advocates, and volunteers work to preserve and promote civil liberties including the freedom of speech, the right to privacy, reproductive freedom, and equal treatment under the law. We stand in defense of the rights of women and minorities, workers, students, immigrants, gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people, and others who have seen bias and bigotry threaten the rights afforded to all of us in this country by the Constitution and the Bill of Rights.”

 

Free Library of Philadelphia

Parkway Central Library

1901 Vine Street
Philadelphia, PA 19103
215-686-5322

[see website for information about the 50+ branches]

http://www.freelibrary.org/

Reading is fundamental to an informed citizenry, whether it’s tax information, finding a job, learning about being gay, enjoying a hot novel, or exploring what polyamory means. The mission of the Free Library of Philadelphia is to advance literacy, guide learning, and inspire curiosity.

 

Puentes de Salud Health and Wellness Center

1700 South Street
Philadelphia, PA 19146

Phone: 215-454-8000
http://www.puentesdesalud.org/

Recent article: http://www.philly.com/philly/health/For-Latinos-in-South-Philly-clinic-is-a-bridge-to-health-and-much-more.html

This clinic ministers to the health needs of some 6,000 patients a year, most of them low income Latino immigrants, most of them undocumented, with no insurance. Puentes goes beyond basic care to also help clients with education, behavioral health, legal advice, and financial counseling classes. In addition, there’s an after-school counseling program run out of Southward Elementary School in South Philadelphia

 

Three groups of special relevance to LGBTQ folks:

 

Mazzoni Center

21 South 12th Street
215-563-0652

https://www.mazzonicenter.org/

Mazzoni Center offers a variety of LGBT-focused healthcare services, such as food banks for the hungry, HIV- and STD-testing, mental and behavioral health services, and more.

 

Philadelphia FIGHT

1233 Locust Street
215-985-4448

https://fight.org/

Philadelphia FIGHT is a comprehensive AIDS service organization that provides state-of-the art, culturally competent primary care, HIV specialty care, consumer education, advocacy, social services, and outreach to people living with HIV and those who are at high risk. FIGHT treats patients regardless of insurance status or the ability to pay.

 

William Way LGBT Community Center

1315 Spruce Street
215-732-2220

http://waygay40.org/

The William Way LGBT Community Center encourages, supports, and advocates for the well-being and acceptance of sexual and gender minorities in the Greater Philadelphia region. It’s services include drop-in, free and confidential rapid HIV testing and Hepatitis C testing. Trained counselors will be on-site to provide testing and education.”

Reminder-Next Tuesday-Nov 15-The Erotic Literary Salon-Live&Adult Sex-Ed

Tuesday you will be given the opportunity to talk sex & sexuality – ask questions, discuss and enjoy meeting people who are comfortable or at least interested in getting comfortable with sexuality.

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http://www.antiques.com/classified/Asian-Antiques/Asian-Decorative-Arts/Antique-Erotica-Signed-Carved-Ivory-3-Figures-X-Rated-

I would like to leave politics at the door, I’m overwhelmed with the election, results and our future as a nation. I need to forget for one evening that there is life outside the bubble of the Erotic Literary Salon.

Dhami Boo a summer regular reader at the Salon (reading to the sounds of his wonderful handmade instruments) reposted the following on fb.

IMPORTANT TO REMEMBER THIS: posted by Clyde M. Hall: THINGS A PRESIDENT CANNOT DO:

Reverse any Supreme Court decision
This includes Obergefell v. Hodges, which made same-sex marriage a constitutional right; Whole Woman’s Health v. Hellerstedt, which reaffirmed a woman’s right to choose first articulated in Roe v. Wade, another Supreme Court case. Grutter v. Bollinger, which instituted affirmative action, the entire body of Civil Rights case law, plus anything related to due process, including the right of minors to due process, your right to an attorney, Miranda rights, inadmissible evidence, etc.
(Even if Trump appoints the worst possible SC nominee, they still can’t reverse any of these decisions without a really significant case coming before the Court with new facts, and then they have to write an opinion stating how this case is different than that other case…it’s unlikely to happen.)
Write law or repeal any existing law
While traditionally, presidents have exerted influence on the legislative agenda (see, Obama’s role in advancing and promoting the Affordable Care Act) they cannot actually write or pass legislation. Bills, joint resolutions, concurrent resolutions, and simple resolutions must be introduced in the House by a Representative.
Presidents cannot strike down law. Only Congress can repeal laws, and only the Supreme Court can strike them down as unconstitutional.
Presidential influence is just that—influence.
(And if—for example—you are hated by 95% of the party you joined last week, and burned all your goddamn bridges by insulting them at various points in your campaign…..they’re unlikely to partner with you in crafting legislation.)
Make any law or declaration that infringes in any way on the rights of the states
So in the US, most of the rights are reserved to the states. You name it, it’s a state-run power. Criminal procedure and law? States. Medicare and Medicaid? States. The definition of marriage? States. Insurance, health departments, housing, unemployment benefits, public education, all these are state programs. And the president cannot infringe on those powers given to the states.
(This is why down-ticket voting is so important, because Mike Pence as governor of Indiana had 800x the power he’s going to have as VP.)
Declare war.
This one is the most complicated, because with the advent of our “conflicts” in Vietnam, Iraq, Afghanistan, Libya, etc. there has been a significant shift in the articulation of the war doctrine, and it is one of the least restricted of the president’s “restricted” powers. But, despite all that, a president still has no power to declare war.
Unilaterally appoint heads of administrative departments
Unilaterally make treaties with foreign nations
Essentially, while presidents have a lot of power, it’s mostly unofficial—they can’t make sweeping laws, they can’t overturn existing rights, the most they can do is refuse to enforce them (which is absolutely a threat! and a problem!) but we aren’t electing de facto royalty here.

Watching His Wife With Other Guys (Getting Fucked) – Candaulism

Candaulism: Wikipedia definition, excerpt –

Candaulism is a sexual practice or fantasy in which a man exposes his female partner, or images of her, to other people for their voyeuristicpleasure.

The term may also be applied to the practice of undressing or otherwise exposing a female partner to others, or urging or forcing her to engage in sexual relations with a third person, such as during a swinging activity. There have also been reports of a woman’s partner urging or forcing her into prostitution or pornography. Similarly, the term may also be applied to the posting of personal images of a female partner on the internet or urging or forcing her to wear clothing which reveals her physical attractiveness to others, such as by wearing very brief clothing, such as a microskirttight-fitting or see-through clothing or a low-cut top.

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Dr. Marty Klein’s brief article on the topic of husband’s watching their wives with other men came to my attention recently. First I realized men don’t ask women to cuddle and become physically intimate. They want to see hard core penis inserted into vagina – the mechanics. Often they stipulate no kissing – far to intimate. Here is Marty’s explanation of this sexual desire:

In a world where jealousy seems “normal,” and where so many men talk about women who cheat, there’s another kind of man. He’s the one who fantasizes about his wife or girlfriend with another guy. He may even try to make it happen in real life.

Call them cuckolds or hot-wifers (as in, ‘hey guys, check out my hot wife’); these guys are generally not really swingers, because they aren’t usually after another sexual partner for themselves. There’s more of these guys out there than you may realize.

With some cuckolds, humiliation is part of the desired experience. The script may include demeaning hubby’s penis, his lovemaking, or his attractiveness. The other gentleman may be prompted to tease him cruelly as well. In some cases, the husband may be “forced” to suck the other guy’s penis, lick his semen, or submit in other ways.

Hot-wifers, on the other hand, like to feel proud rather than degraded. They like to show off wifey, sometimes in exhibitionistic games (such as deliberate wardrobe malfunctions or exposed body parts). Unsuspecting gas station attendants, room service delivery guys, even nearby drivers or freeway truckers may get a surprised eyeful. Glass hotel elevators were made for these couples.

So why do men do this? Why do they yearn to see their wives have pleasure (or intimate talking, or even consensually rough treatment) with someone else?

Freud would have a field day with these guys: repressed homosexuality, low self-esteem, fear of rejection or abandonment (and unconsciously arranging to feel in charge of it), performance anxiety (and out-sourcing responsibility to the other guy).

And in a minority of cases, maybe the guy actually doesn’t care for his wife.

On the other hand, it can be a gift to the woman, or a demonstration of trust. It can make the couple feel closer by sharing a taboo adventure (fantasy or real). It can be the ultimate treat for an actual voyeur—not just watching, but watching something meaningful, with no fear of getting caught. It can be a way of creating a safe environment for wifey to have flings with others, whether friends or strangers. There can be a sexy emotional bonding between the two men, not to mention tangible erotic possibilities.

As the saying goes, it’s all fun and games until (unless) someone gets hurt. Wifey might become too enthusiastic about non-monogamy to suit her husband. Hubby might push wifey to do things she later regrets; she may feel his voyeuristic pleasure was more important to him than her comfort or safety. Some innocent bystanders might protest that they’re being used without their consent. And of course there’s always the chance that the extra guy turns out to be a little nutty.

Content people rarely go to therapy, so the couples discussing this in my office are generally in conflict. Frequently, it’s because he can’t take ‘no’ for an answer. That’s generally not about sex—when people can’t hear the word ‘no,’ it’s typically about power. And if the ‘no’ is about something you really, really want? There are ways to discuss it collaboratively rather than being a huge pain in the butt. And if two people can’t work something out, eventually someone has to let it go or leave the relationship. Or quarrel about it forever.

Another reason people come to therapy about this is because she wants to ‘understand’ his quirky thing. When he explains it, she may still not get it–and then imagine it’s because he doesn’t love her enough to be possessive. Or that he secretly wants the same privilege—one or more outside partners—for himself, and won’t say so directly.

Some guys don’t want any more men in their bedroom, but they love talking about the fantasy: what would it be like? What would you wear for the guy? What would you like him to do? Wouldn’t it be great if he had a huge erection, or a skillful tongue?

While some women enjoy playing the fantasy game, others find it intrusive and distracting. Or artificial and theatrical. Worse, they may assume it’s because they’re not sufficiently attractive on their own, and hubby needs to imagine and talk about crazy scenes to get excited. No one likes to think that’s true.

Some women would be fine about the fantasy game occasionally—they just don’t want it every time they have sex. That’s understandable, as so many people are trying to get away from routine in sex, rather than reinforcing it. And some women would be fine about the fantasy game if they felt confident it would stay on the fantasy level. But they’re suspicious that while they’re getting accustomed to the fantasy, hubby is plotting the next move in a longer project—ultimately acting out the fantasies they discuss.

Couples who come to see me about this subject often think they’re the only ones dealing with it. My first contribution is to be non-reactive, accept what they’re saying, and treat it like any other couples conflict. I help them talk, help them listen, help them express their fears that they won’t be able to work this out. I don’t tell them what to do, I don’t take sides, and I don’t say that these ideas are either ‘normal’ or ‘not normal.’

That’s never my job. People never need my help in arguing about who’s the normal one, who’s the kinky one, and who’s the selfish one. My job is to gently wean them off those unproductive conversations and onto more honest and productive ones.

That’s my fantasy.

Read more articles and subscribe free to his newsletter:

http://www.sexualintelligence.org/#one

Tonight-July 19-The Erotic Literary Salon-Live-Three Way Opera

Adult Sex-Ed Salon theme for this evening: How has your sexual expression changed as you have gained experience? 

Attendees will get to submit questions anonymously and the audience will share experiences and insights. I will provide suggestions based on studies and what I have learned through my private practice.

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THREE WAY – Opera

I attended a workshop of Masquerade with an attendee of the Salon. He suggested I invite attendees to stage the excerpts we heard from this opera. It would be a featured presentation at the Salon and last approximately 15 minutes.

Audio Demo Arias from the opera:

http://www.aopopera.org/threeway/

Music by Robert Paterson
Libretto by David Cote

ABOUT THE WORK

Three Way is a triptych on the future of love: android lovers, BDSM and the final frontier: multiple partners. Each act maintains a balance of humor and drama, as contemporary characters collide at the intersection of power and desire.

THE COMPANION
(3 singers: soprano, tenor and baritone)
Not so far in the future, Maya (soprano) lives with her android lover, Joe (tenor). This interactive programmed Companion looks and sounds human—only better. Still, Maya wants more complexity from Joe. She has technician Dax (baritone) come by to install new experimental software, with surprising results.

SAFE WORD
(2 singers: mezzo-soprano and baritone)
Mistress Salomé (mezzo-soprano) is a high-priced dominatrix in a private dungeon, and today she has a new client (baritone), a cocky businessman. Even though he’s the one who pays to be humiliated, he’s prickly and aggressive. The “session” goes to places no one expected.

MASQUERADE
(8 singers: 2 sopranos, 2 mezzo-sopranos, tenor, countertenor, baritone, bass-baritone)
A party is taking place at a country mansion. It’s not a dinner gathering or holiday celebration: it’s a masquerade. People from all walks of life come to shed outside selves, put on a mask and push the limits of erotic expression. Tonight four couples will face their deepest taboos.

Sexy, funny and a little bit shocking, Three Way combines complex but tonal music, witty storytelling and high theatrical values.

Duration: 2hrs 45mins (including two intermissions)
Instrumentation: eight-singer cast and chamber ensemble: 2 sopranos, 2 mezzo-sopranos, tenor, countertenor, baritone, bass-baritone, flute, clarinet, oboe, bassoon, 2 violins, viola, cello, bass, percussion, piano (doubling synthesizer), conductor.
PublisherBill Holab Music