Tag: porn

Fat Sex: What Everyone Wants to Know but is Afraid to Ask

Excellent blog post written by a self proclaimed fat woman. Please read the comments, they really speak to the distorted self-image women have concerning their bodies.

Photograph by Victoria Janashvilli http://www.victoriajanashvili.com

Excerpt from Persephone Magazine:

I’m a fat woman. I’m a fat woman who has had lots and lots of awesome sex almost exclusively with partners much smaller than myself. When I met my current partner a year ago, I was at my fattest, about 150 lbs heavier than he is, making our sex the most drastic in terms of size difference relative to my past partners. Most women I know would not be comfortable with that size difference, and in candid moments, friends have asked, “So, how does that work?” The short answer? It works just great and I love it. There are many misconceptions about how fat people have sex, especially when one partner is fat and the other isn’t. I’m here to explore that topic, specifically the issue of being a fat woman having sex with a smaller partner.

I know many women who would love to have sex with smaller partners but feel that it wouldn’t work mechanically, that two drastically different bodies couldn’t come together in a pleasurable way. Additionally, many women who do have smaller partners tell me they don’t totally enjoy sex because they feel self-conscious, embarrassed, or unfulfilled because they can’t “let go” during sex. This brings me to what I feel is one of the most important parts of enjoying sex as a fat woman:

You’ll need to overcome the idea that your partner doesn’t know how fat you are. 

Your partner knows, and guess what? He or she wants to have sex with you. When I was a young chubbette, I remember trying to contort my body into more “flattering” positions while I was having sex, as if my partner didn’t notice my belly was getting paunchy. I’d arch my back, refuse to do positions that made me “feel fat,” and drape different parts of my body with a blanket or pillow to hide my increasingly chubby body. Sometimes that made me feel more at ease, but mostly it became tedious, distracted me from feeling sexy, and annoyed the crap out of my partner who just wanted to see his hot girlfriend naked. Once I became much larger than I’d been before, I simply refused to have the lights on during sex for the same reason — “He won’t know what my body looks like if I don’t show him.” Well, he totally knew how fat I was, and guess what? He still wanted to have sex with me, and what’s more, he loved having sex with me. It took me a long time to realize that my partners were having sex with me in part because of the way my body looks, not in spite of the way my body looks. It sounds simple, I know, but when you spend your whole life being told that fat bodies are not sexy, it takes some time to realize that sexiness isn’t that simple. This understanding is not something that happens overnight for most of us. Hell, it can take years. But, the sooner you learn (yes,learn) to feel sexy just the way you are, the sooner you’ll be able to enjoy your sexuality more fully. Really, this goes for men and women of all sizes, not just fat women. You owe it to yourself and your partner to trust that he or she really desires you and to do the best you can to keep that in mind when you find you have a hard time letting go and really being seen during sex. As a good friend of mine put it:

In our culture we have been taught to dread being able to pinch more than an inch and to be disgusted with our muffin tops. Even if we are thoroughly rad and feminist and above that sort of self-hating thinking, sometimes we don’t like what we see in the mirror, and sharing one’s body with another human being is an incredibly vulnerable act that can bring out our insecurities. But know this: the one place you should never, ever be ashamed of your body is during sex. That is the time to celebrate its capacity for giving and receiving pleasure. Instead of pulling away, enjoy it when your partner embraces your stomach or fondles it — soft voluptuous flesh can be a real turn-on. The way a woman’s form often holds its extra weight — around the belly, hips, thighs — is seen by many partners to be uniquely feminine and extremely erotic. The love handles you might hide under hoodies during the day should come out at night in all their glory.

You’re going to need a few things. First, get some big, firm pillows. Pillows are a fat girl’s best friend during sex. Next, find a firm, yet springy surface to do it on. Pillow top mattresses and memory foam tend to not be as easy to have sex on since you sink down into those surfaces instead of bouncing back. Next, get some decent water-based lubricant, just in case. I’ve heard a lot about fat women having “big vaginas,” which honestly doesn’t make any sense at all. The vagina is inside of the body. That would be like saying that fat women have bigger kidneys just because they’re fat. It’s nonsense. What’s far more likely is that you may just encounter the opposite — a fat woman’s vagina can be hard enter, especially if it’s not properly lubricated. Fat women can have more padding around the vagina (on their mons pubis and labia) than a thin woman, creating a potentially tricky situation. If your partner tries to enter your vagina when it’s not sufficiently lubricated or doesn’t take the time to part the labia, there can be resistance. If you’re lubricated well and take care to spread apart the fat surrounding the vagina, you should be good to go.

Not all sexual positions work for fat people and that’s okay. Many positions are challenging for everyone except gymnasts, so don’t feel like it’s just about you being too fat to do them. Most people have trouble with those positions. Personally, I have little to no interest in doing gravity-defying positions, so that’s not a problem, but I do miss being able to spoon-fuck (my ass is simply too large for any penis, no matter how gigantic, to find its way into my vagina in that position). More than any advice I can give you about where to put pillows, it’s going to take communication with your partner to find positions that work well for you. You’re going to need to talk about your fat, move it around, try out different positions, knowing and accepting ahead of time that it may not work out. A sense of humor is especially helpful when you’re trying out new things! You don’t need to be embarrassed, and hopefully, you have a loving, communicative partner who won’t make you feel that way. I believe that as long as your partner is GGG, the two of you will be able to experiment in a productive, positive way. If your partner won’t communicate about your sex life? Well, I think that’s a whole other article, but for the moment, I will give you permission to go ahead and stop having sex with that person until they are willing and able to make sex enjoyable for you.

Here is how I modify three standard sexual positions to make them Fat Sex friendly.

Read More:

http://persephonemagazine.com/2012/03/01/fat-sex-what-everyone-wants-to-know-but-is-afraid-to-ask/

 

 

Feminist Porn Award & Conference – Tristan Taormino – Rachel Kramer Bussel

Glad there is a feminist porn award, women need to realize there is no shame in enjoying hot, racy, sexually explicit material.

I missed Tristan Taormino’s first Feminist Porn Conference, but the following review by Rachel Kramer Bussel has kept me informed.

Excerpt:

Organic, Fair-Trade Porn: On the Hunt for Ethical Smut

by  

Just what exactly is feminist porn? Rachel Kramer Bussel attends the Feminist Porn Awards to find a new generation of erotic performers and producers with a mission.

Feminism has come a long way since Robin Morgan wrote in 1974, “Pornography is the theory, and rape is the practice,”—so far, in fact, that this past weekend saw the eighth-annual Feminist Porn Awards and first Feminist Porn Conference, an offshoot of the just-published The Feminist Porn Book, in Toronto. The mood was celebratory, political, and inquisitive, showcasing a sex-positive feminism that’s about far more than leaning in, or even leaning back.

Yet as far as we’ve come, I still got asked on Facebook when posting about attending, “Is this a joke?” For Toronto sex-toy store Good for Her, organizers of the FPAs, far from it—it’s a selling point. While browsing there, I overheard a staffer touting a film by Erika Lust to a middle-aged male customer as an FPA winner. The seven jurors take their work of judging 110 submissions seriously—but not too seriously, considering they award trophies topped with a crystal butt plug for categories such as Golden Beaver (Canadian content) and Smutty Schoolteacher (sex ed), and the event expanded to a new venue to hold the approximately 550 attendees.

The very act of defining “feminist porn” is one that’s still up in the air. Certainly it’s not the Sheryl Sandberg–endorsed book Porn for Women, with its wink-wink photos of hunky topless guys doing housework, which was exquisitely skewered by online comic xkcd, nor is it “a man and a woman meet at Planet Organic after a gender studies lecture, discuss intersectionality over vegetarian food, and then go back to her flat to bone on last Sunday’s Observer,” jokingly offered up by Rhiannon Lucy Cosslett and Holly Baxter in The New StatesmanDiffering definitions were offered by the awards and by the book’s authors, but all agree that a focus on genuine female pleasure plays a role. Conference organizer Tristan Taormino insisted that porn is “absolutely” the right word (instead of “erotica”). “By not using the term porn, we’re caving in to this idea that porn is low class, for men, not by us or for us.” She calls her own porn, such as FPA winner The Ultimate Guide to Pegging, “organic, free-trade porn,” and urged consumers and creators to take a page from the organic-food movement. “We have to make connections between fair labor practices even when the labor being performed is sex. If you care about the conditions under which your food was made and the conditions under which your jeans were made, then you should care about the conditions under which your pornography is made. You should be willing to pay a little more.”

The use of “feminist” was a bit more controversial.

Read More: http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2013/04/13/free-trade-organic-porn-on-the-hunt-for-ethical-smut.html

Polyamory – May Be Good For You – 5 Myths About Polyamory

This article states 5% of Americans are involved in consensual nonmonogamy. From the anecdotical evidence I have gathered that is a low figure. But keep in mind, it really doesn’t matter what that number is, if this is a life-style you want to pursue, then I suggest you do your homework.

Excellent polyamory myths debunked.

Excerpt from article in Live Science below:

5 Myths About Polyamory

by Stephanie Pappas, LiveScience Senior Writer

Researchers estimate that as many as 5 percent of Americans are currently in relationships involving consensual nonmonogamy — that is, permission to go outside the couple looking for love or sex.

The boundaries in these relationships are remarkably varied, with some couples negotiating one-off “swinging” or partner-swapping experiences. and others forming stable bonds among three, four or five partners simultaneously. The latter is a version of polyamory, relationships in which people have multiple partnerships at once with the full knowledge of all involved.

Polyamorous people have largely flown under the radar, but that’s beginning to change as psychologists become intrigued by this unusual group. The first annual International Academic Polyamory Conference takes place Feb. 15 in Berkeley, Calif., and ongoing studies are examining everything from how jealousy works in polyamorous relationships to how kids in polyamorous familes fare. Though there’s a lot left to learn, initial findings are busting some myths about how love among many works.

Myth #1: Poly people are unsatisfied

When someone goes outside a relationship looking for companionship or sex, it’s natural to assume there’s something missing from their romance. But that doesn’t appear to be the case for polyamorous individuals.

Melissa Mitchell, a graduate student in psychology at the University of Georgia, conducted research while at Simon Frasier University in Canada on 1,093 polyamorous individuals. The participants were asked to list a primary partner and a secondary partner (more on that later), and they averaged nine years together with their primary and about two-and-a-half years with their secondary.

Mitchell and her colleagues surveyed their participants about how satisfied and fulfilled they felt in their relationships. They found that people were more satisfied with, felt more close to and more supported by their primary partner, suggesting that their desire for a secondary partner had little to do with dissatisfaction in the relationship. And satisfaction with an outside partner didn’t hurt the primary relationship. [6 Scientific Tips for a Successful Marriage]

“Polyamorous relationships are relatively independent of one another,” Mitchell said in January at the annual meeting of the Society for Personality and Social Psychology in New Orleans. “We tend to assume in our culture that if you have your needs met outside your relationship, some kind of detrimental effect is going to result, and that’s not what we find here.”

Read More: http://www.livescience.com/27125-5-myths-about-polyamory.html

 

BetterSex.com Erotic Fiction Contest $4,000 in Prizes

Enter your fictional story on one of the top 10 female fantasies to win one of several prizes. Detailed information below:

Grand Prize

Winning story will receive $750 cash.

2nd Prize

2nd place story will receive $500 cash.

3rd Prize

3rd place story will receive $250 cash.

Contest Instructions

Copy and paste your 3,000 word or less story on one of the top 10 female fantasies in the space provided. Additionally, please email your 500 word summary of your story with the subject line as the title of the story to erotic.fiction.entry {at} gmail.com. Top 10 female fantasies are in no particular order: Sex with a stranger, Dominating a man, Being submissive to a man, Threesome with another man, Threesome with another woman, Voyeurism, Exhibitionism, Erotic dancing/stripping, Role playing, Sex in a public place.

Prize EligibilityOnly persons residing in Canada and United States who are at least 18 years of age can enter.Contest StartsMay 01, 2013 @ 12:01 am (EDT)Contest EndsMay 31, 2013 @ 11:59 am (EDT)Need more Details?Read the Official Rules