Tag: polyamory

Tonight-Tuesday-June 20-Book Release Party & The Relationship Episode: Sex, Love, Polyamory, Marriage, and More (with Esther Perel)

Excited to be celebrating the release of Salon attendee, Joe B’s book – Madam Jillinghoff’s Bedroom Rhymes, published by another attendee Jon who owns West Philly Press. – All in the “family.” It shall be a grand evening.

Important blog by Tim Ferris about the state of conventional marriage.“If Apple sold you a product that failed 50% of the time, would you buy it?”
– Esther Perel

“I’ve wanted to speak with psychotherapist Esther Perel (@estherperel) for years.

In a cover story, The New York Times called her the most important game changer in sexuality and relational health since Dr. Ruth.

Her TED talks on maintaining desire and rethinking infidelity have more than 17 million views, and she’s tested and been exposed to everything imaginable in thirty-four years of running her private therapy practice in New York City.

In this episode, Esther and I explore:

  • How to find (and convince) mentors who can change your life.
  • What she’s learned from Holocaust survivors.
  • Polyamory and close cousins.
  • Is there such a thing as too much honesty in relationships?
  • Can we want what we already have?
  • Why do happy people cheat?
  • And much more.

Esther is the author of the international bestseller Mating in Captivity, which has been translated into 26 languages. Fluent in nine of them (I’ve heard her in person), this Belgian native now brings her multicultural pulse to her new book The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity (October 2017, Harper Collins).

Her creative energy is right now focused on co-creating and hosting an Audible original audio series, Where Should We Begin.”

Hear it on Tim Ferris’ Blog:

The Relationship Episode: Sex, Love, Polyamory, Marriage, and More (with Esther Perel)

10th Annual Poly Living-Weekend Polyamory Conference-Lovemore-PA-Feb 20-22

I have presented workshops at this conference in the past. This is an excellent place for people to get started in poly and for those who want to catch up with their friends in the poly community.

Poly Living is a place to learn relationship skills that support healthy polyamorous relationships, to connect with like minded people, explore possibilities and have fun.

Ten Years of Expanding Love and Opening Hearts

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Since 2005 when George Marvil hosted the first Poly Living Conference in Philadelphia, it has been the best place to warm up your winter with fun, learning and polyamory community. Whether you are new to polyamory and wanting to find out more, a professional interested in helping clients or an experienced poly person looking to have fun with old friends, Poly Living is a great place to learn, explore and connect with real people.

How to Satisfy Your Sexual Needs When Your Old Rulebook Says No

How Designer Relationships impacts people of all generations, whether single, couples, or more than two. Joan Price has written an interesting article on dating and non-monogamy. I shall be discussing Designer Relationships at the Salon this Tuesday, June 17th.

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Every month in Sex at Our Ageaward-winning senior sexpert Joan Price answers your questions about everything from loss of desire to solo sex and partner issues. Nothing is out of bounds! To send your questions directly to Joan, email sexpert@seniorplanet.org. 

I am a single older man, university educated, and I don’t consider myself monogamous. I have been dating one woman and I’m not cheating on her, but I am interested in several others. I’ve always longed for the experience of dating more than one woman and ideally being sexual with them. I truly don’t think I’ve ever been capable of being happy in a sexually exclusive relationship, and at this point in my life, I don’t want to try anymore – but are women open to this?

How can I bring up this issue with women I date? I’m not trying to “use” them and I don’t want to lie or cheat. I’d like to be able to talk rationally and honestly about what I consider to be my nature, hopefully with women who feel the same way. I’m hampered, though, by lingering old ideas about what is right and wrong about sex, especially that I’m supposed to be happily monogamous. I’d like to experience sex in a new way, and I hope it’s not too late.  —Non-Monogamous & Frustrated

Good for you for knowing what you need and for wanting to go after it ethically. As you’ve realized, by this point in our lives, many of the “rules” about sexuality we learned decades ago no longer feel true to us, if they ever did. The world has changed – people are more experimental and sexually open to new experiences.

The idea of one lifelong mate has all but dissolved because many of us are single and still sexually active – or wanting to be – after divorce, break-up or the death of a spouse. At our age, the old rules about sexual exclusivity might not even apply to our situation if we’re single and dating. Even many committed couples have agreed to be non-monogamous and find that it works for them. (Others, of course, feel most fulfilled in a monogamous commitment and can’t imagine an open sexual lifestyle being okay — but that’s not why you wrote!)

The first step, which you’ve done, is to realize that for you – and for many people of all ages, genders and orientations – monogamy is not authentic or fulfilling. A male friend of mine told me, “I tried every which way to be monogamous – it was never natural to me, and I quit one relationship after another until I acknowledged that I am ethically non-monogamous. Now that’s the way I live, with a partner who feels the same way.”

Fortunately, you’ll find plenty of women who also don’t feel monogamy suits them at this time in their lives. Perhaps they were in a long-term relationship and never had the opportunity to enjoy the special, spicy energy of variety, and they’d like to experience it now. Or maybe they had these kinds of experiences during the ‘60s and ‘70s, then settled down and are ready to fly again. Or they may always have felt that monogamy doesn’t suit  them and followed their desires.

The key is to be clear, respectful and honest in stating what you are looking for. Saying something like, “I’ve never felt that I could be happy in a sexually exclusive relationship and I’m looking for partners who feel this way, also,” might be a good approach. (I do not suggest broadcasting, “Wanted! Lots of women for sex!”) Some women will respond negatively. They won’t want anything to do with you, and that’s perfect – they wouldn’t work out for you.

Please have a candid conversation with the woman you’re dating now. She may be “in” with your idea, or she may not. Make sure she has all the information so that she can choose for herself whether or not to stay with you. However much you may like her, if the relationship is based on a lie or a misconception, it’s doomed. If she wants an exclusive relationship, let her go. Neither of you will be happy together.

When you do meet women who are interested in the sexual lifestyle you want, there will be negotiations: commitment to safer sex practices; how much each of you tells the other about your sexual relationships; whether you get involved in casual relationships or have a primary, committed relationship with a “free pass” for taking other lovers when it feels right. There are many ways to be non-monagamous, and a superb book to learn from is Tristan Taormino’s Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships  (Cleis Press, 2008).

Multiple sexual relationships are not easy, especially when you’re just feeling your way. But for many people, they are indeed rewarding. Age is no barrier when it comes to learning to live your authentic sexual beliefs. Good luck to you. —Joan

Would you like to see more questions and answers? See all of Joan’s advice in Sex At Our Age.

To send Joan your questions, email sexpert@seniorplanet.org. All information is confidential.


Joan Price is the author of the award-winning self-help book “Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex” and of “Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty.” Visit Joan’s  blog, “Naked at Our Age.”

Similar articles can be found at:

 http://seniorplanet.org/how-to-satisfy-your-sexual-needs-when-your-old-rulebook-says-no/

 

The Talk:For Adults – Designer Relationships (Polyamory) – June 17 – The Erotic Literary Salon-Live

I shall be presenting “The Talk:For Adults” at 7PM prior to the readings on June 17th. Dr. Ken Haslam a polyamory activist coined the phrase ‘Designer Relationship: “Relationships being formed today no longer have to follow the rules and so each one, if the couple actually talks to each other, has a different structure. Each couple (or the triad or….) has to define it’s own rules and guidelines according to whatever works for them.”

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I will also be discussing the new non-monogamy. If you want to know more, come an enjoy an evening of edutainment at the new Erotic Literary Salon-Live in Philadelphia next Tuesday.