Erotic Images, Trans Victory, Sues BMW over Persistent Erection, 50 Shades of Grey Prevents Adultery?, Essensual Experience Workshop

Boring still life objects turned into erotic images:

Victory: Federal agency rules trans people protected by sex discrimination law, read more:

California man sues BMW for persistent erection, read more:

Guilty pleasures: Use “Fifty Shades of Grey” to prevent adultery, says Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil. Read more:

Tomorrow starts another Essensual Experience workshop with Monica Day. Salon attendees always pay the early bird rate. Read more:


Beautiful Erotic Art, Safe Sex for Seniors – Kama Sutra

A gorgeous 7 minute video by Iridediluce, erotic art of masters and modern artists, plus her blog on sexuality. What a great find!

Safe Sex for Seniors video – Kama Sutra poses

“In the past 5 years, the rate of STDs (STI’s) among active seniors
has risen over 70%. This public service announcement
promotes the importance of using condoms, illustrated by
mature adults in various poses of the Kama Sutra.”

Men Reading 50 Shades of Grey – Women Reading Bon Iver Erotica

Bon Iver is not a person, it is a band. The photo you keep seeing posted everywhere connected with the name is Justin Vernon, singer-songwriter and frontman for the band Bon Iver. Women or from what I have read mainly teenage girls reading extremely soft-erotica at a Tumbir site exclusively for Bon Iver Erotica.

Now men are reading 50 Shades of Grey to learn about what women enjoy reading. Hope they realize that is women – plural, and what a woman enjoys reading might not be her fantasy . They should ask the woman they are intimate with her specific fantasies, might not be the same.

I have read the first book, took 8 pages to get into it, poorly written, but still head my attention with story. I don’t truly care what gets couples talking about sex, if this does it, great!

Men are fans, too, of `Fifty Shades of Grey’

Associated Press


Dr. Mehmet Oz sees that potential, dedicating a recent show to exploring the books with an audience of women and, yes, men who have read them.

“This woman has gotten people talking about sex in a way that no one else could get them to talk about it,” he said Tuesday night from the red carpet of a gala honoring Time magazine’s 100 most influential people in the world – James included with the likes of President Barack Obama and Rihanna.

Are sex lives changing, marriages evolving?

“They’re not tying up their women. It’s not about sadism,” Oz said of men drawn to the books. “What it is about is people having an honest conversation about what sex should be like, what makes it feel better, what are the timing issues, how do we make it an important issue in our life rather than an afterthought. When the guys get into it I know we’ve got something going.”


Are You A Sex Addict? Does Sex Addiction Exist?

Just when I thought the conversation was over on one of my professional listserves, the following response caught my eye. I think Dr. Perper makes an extremely convincing case for sex urges and loneliness, misnamed as sex addiction.

Although I still believe once a computer is turned on it feeds into a lot of peoples’ wiring systems. The question is do they spend time surfing the web for sex, or the next outfit to purchase?

Timothy Perper, PhD response to: A self-identified sex addict


Reposted by permission of author from the AASECT listserve (American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists)


Names within text, other than author, have been changed.


…I got to thinking about this business of “uncontrollable

sex urge.” I’m NOT — repeat, not, not, not — going to try to define

that; in fact, my point is that a definition suddenly and unexpectedly

EVADES us. I don’t mean just me; I’ve been reading this postings

(nearly 500 of them since 2006, as I just said) — the definition has

been evading all of us. Seems to me that maybe that’s part of the



When I was a teenager, I too had “uncontrollable sex urges.” My penis,

with a life of its own (a standing joke among men), would get hard in

the middle of high school classes. It just did that — and I wanted to

jerk off. I wasn’t able to talk it down; it ignored me and my

explanations that THIS is not the right time. Or sometimes on subways.

Or at other times.


And later in college, and even later than that, the same thing would

occur again and again: “uncontrollable sex urges.”


Oho! Now we reach a crux in the whole search for a definition.


At some point in college — though not in high school (for reasons I

don’t understand) — I discovered that I could eliminate these

“uncontrollable sex urges” by going to the men’s room, sitting in a

stall with the door locked, and jerking myself off. Then, for some

hours, I had no “uncontrollable sex urges” at all.


In brief, if the definition we are looking for arises from

“uncontrollable PENILE sex urges,” then the solution is simple. Go

find someplace private and masturbate to orgasm. End of that. Yes, I

know that some men have moral and other qualms about masturbation, but

that’s not what we mean by “sex addiction” — that’s called “sex

guilt” or something like that.


If so — and that “if” is very very large! — then no problems exist

about sex addiction. Find someplace private and masturbate. This

solution may be less effective for some women, but I’m going to set

that difficulty aside for a while. IF — repeat, IF, IF, IF —

“uncontrollable sex urges” are of penile (or vaginal/clitoral) origin,

then they can be resolved in a few minutes. End of story and discussion.


Now comes the big but. BUT, someone says, that’s not what

“uncontrollable sex urges” are about! They’re about sitting and

watching HOURS of porn on the internet, talking for HOURS on some sex

phone line, spending HOURS imagining copulating with someone. They

center on the uncontrollable desire to get laid.


And if so, then we have a different definition, and it has nothing to

do with “sex addiction” at all. It is an “uncontrollable” desire and

yearning for a CERTAIN KIND OF SOCIAL CONTACT — with the surrogate

human beings of internet porn, the less surrogate but still fantasy-

laden telephone partner, or the imaginary but completely social

fantasy of masturbating with not only HER (or him, perhaps) but with a

whole bunch of “hers” and “hims.” Those sessions of imagination are

barely sexual at all: sexuality provides a mechanism for imagining a

fantasy of a different life, a different world, a different place, of

different people than the ones we know. The penis or vagina has become

a portal taking us elsewhere — somewhere where we are wanted, are

desired, are happy, are never rejected, are satisfied and are

satisfying. In brief, we invent a utopia for ourselves — because we

do not live in such a utopia in reality.


The underlying engines of such fantasies are not sex — they are

loneliness, despair, unhappy alienation, anomie. Sex is simply a

vehicle by which we imagine a place and time where such loneliness

DOES NOT EXIST. In that world, we are happy.


So if a man — I explicitly do not mean Craig, whom I do not know at

all — tells me that he’s a sex addict, then I privately think to

myself, “And you’re a liar.” If you really and genuinely were an

addict of your penis, you would not be telling ME about it in this

bar, or party, or therapy session. You’d be off jerking yourself off

in the bathroom.


The same holds for a woman, who might say “I was a real sex addict in

college! I just had to get laid all the time, and all I could think

about was how I could hook up with Joe or Jeremy or Chad — ”  And

again my response is the same. “No, you’re not a sex addict at all. If

you were you wouldn’t be telling ME about it in this bar or party.

You’d be off in bed with Joe or Jeremy or Chad or maybe all three of

them, fucking their brains out. You wouldn’t be TALKING about it.”


Underlying everything I have read and heard about sex addiction and

the “uncontrollable sex urges” said to define sex addiction (and that

includes the AASECT listserve) are the engines of loneliness,

isolation, alienation, and despair. It is therefore a social — NOT

SEXUAL — dysfunction, and centers on the inability of the person to

provide him- or herself with people who love and want them. It

involves a FANTASY that sexuality — meaning penile and/or vaginal

contact — will satisfy those social needs for love. But because mere

penile and/or vaginal contact does not fill those needs, the recipe is

repeated, in the hope that maybe it’ll work out the NEXT time. Which

it does not, and we enter a cycle of repetition driven by unidentified

— but profoundly human — desires for social contact, for someone to

talk to, someone who likes you, and who wants to listen.


Did that describe me in high school? Oh, come on. Of course it did. I

would have given anything to have spent the whole day talking to (and

kissing) two or three of the girls I knew… like Jane, who sat next

to me in one class (I loved that class!), and like Amy, who I would

walk home with… Sometimes my penis got stiff, not surprising at the

age of 17, but always I wanted to be with Jane and Amy, stiff penis

or not. That’s not sex addiction. It’s desire and loneliness.