Happy Valentine’s Day from The Erotic Literary Salon – February 15th Plum Dragoness

Plum Dragoness Poet-tree En Motion…2012 FREE community event. A Tribute to the Dragon Lunar New Year!
•    Plum Dragoness & the Elements-Fusion of spoken word w/ live funk, dub-reggae & world musical compositions from the new CD “Live @ the Rotunda” (www.facebook.com/plumdragoness)
•    DJ Lina Luv- Spinnin’ deep frolics in the grooves of eclectic, global, booty-shakin beats (http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=591794223)
•    Special guest dance performance TBA (see http://www.therotunda.org/events)

I have received several 100 submissions to the first annual Erotic Literary Salon Anthology, SenSexual: A Unique Erotic Anthology. A bit overwhelmed, since now I have lots of reading ahead, and the most difficult task of culling out the ones best suited for this ebook. I wish to thank all whom have offered me their words to print.

Valentine’s Day, a special day of the year for lovers to express their sentiments, but dare you forget and all havoc could ensue. And then there are the folks who live a life with no lover. I say to you, rejoice, and express your love of self.

A newsletter has been sent today, if you did not receive one check your junk mail. If it is still missing, send me your email and I’ll place you on the mailing list.


Loving More – Polyamory and Marriage Survey – Redefining Marriage

Attended the Polyamory Conference in Philadelphia this past weekend, heard some wonderful talks, met old and made new friends. The event was being filmed by a Swedish film crew, developing a documentary on Polyamory. The sadest part, they were having the most difficult time finding a polyamory family willing to be “outed.” Fear of being isolated by friends and family and loss of jobs made it almost impossible to find such a family.

Please visit this website and take the Polyamory and Marriage Survey. http://lovemore.com/

Interesting article in Psychology Today, just in time for Valentine’s Day

Redefining Marriage in America: The Unopen Yet Flexible Marriage

By Pamela Madsen
I just finished reading Christopher Ryan’s “Sex at Dawn” for the second time, which makes the case that, at our core, we humans are not monogamous creatures. Many people are giving Mr. Ryan credit for making it safe for people to talk about monogamy, polyamory and open marriage in public, and he certainly did deliver the opening salvo.

But I am thinking that it is the disclosure of Newt Gingrich’s ex-wife, and the defensive embarrassment of the conservative Republican Presidential hopeful that has really taken this conversation to the center of the stage.

It is obvious that Newt has had some difficulty with long term monogamy. He has had several wives and affairs. Even if the disclosure from his ex-wife in regard to his request for an “Open Marriage” was not true – he certainly was playing outside the confines of a traditional monogamous marriage. Some might even say that he was “cheating” with his now current wife before he was divorced. We can point fingers at Newt if we wish, but we know the truth. Newt has a lot of company out there in the land of sexual infidelity. Shall I mention Kennedy here, or Clinton? Or is it your best friend, your neighbor or you?

Monogamy is a societal concept, that many would say has been imposed on us by religion and many other factors. I lived in a completely monogamous marriage for 23 years, and then I needed more. But for me, it was too big a big leap from being completely monogamous to having an open marriage or polyamorous life style. My husband and I were never going to be “swingers” either.So how do I have more and stay married? That is when I embraced a new definition of marital sex, which some of us call being “monogamish”.

My memoir,  “Shameless: How I Ditched The Diet, Got Naked, Found True Pleasure and Somehow Got Home in Time to Cook Dinner“, is all about the beginning of my journey on that path. And as I have traveled further down the path of the brave new marriage with my husband, there are so many conversations in the sex positive community about what we each mean by all of these labels and terms. We all don’t agree on the definitions of anything.

There is monogamy, serial monogamy, monogamish, open marriage, polyamory and swinging! Ask a group of sex positive people to define one of these unions and you will get a lot of very different and passionate answers. The fact is that the state of marriage and its very definition is going through a tremendous transition — and the beautiful thing is that we are talking about it! Even in the New York Times.

So what about the growing group of us that are looking for a middle ground? What if you want to stay married and the person you said your vows to is the most important person in the world to you? Can you go outside your marriage to explore sexuality on any level? Can you get more and not move into the world of open marriage, polyamory and swinging?

I believe there is a solution that can fulfill this need for more without having to suffer through serial monogamous relationships that end badly.  I believe there is something that can fill the gap between monogamy and full out polyamory or open marriage. I call it monogamish. I didn’t coin the term, Dan Savage did – but I am living it; and so are countless other people. The fact is that many of us monogamish folks are more shy than the open marriage or poly communities, so we don’t talk about this much to our neighbors and friends.

Before I heard Dan Savage talk about being “monogamish”, I thought I had coined the term “expanded monogamy” — but alas a quick search on google turned up several references to expanded monogamy with different definitions. In my definition of expanded monogamy — a couple sets the rules of sexual exploration that fit their own set of personal boundaries. In my marriage’s rule book, it does not include taking a traditional lover.

In my interpretation of expanded monogamy or being monogamish, I am not talking about what has been called an “Open Marriage”. My version has very real boundaries that may seem outside of the box for some — but for others may seem quite restrictive.

What is agreeable to one couple may not be agreeable to another. As I shared in my story in Shameless, I created a form of expanded monogamy and, with my husband, developed a way for me to explore my sexuality that did not fit the traditional defnition of monogamy but was not polygamy either. I explored the concept of polyamory by reading a wonderful book on the subject by Deborah Anapol – but the concept was not quite right for my life. I needed a different way, and I needed new language.

If I have learned anything in my years as a fertility advocate and sex educator — it is if we don’t have language for something, we can get very confused.

We are also not good at finding middle places in our society. Many people on my book tour kept asking me questions like “How did your husband feel about you going to a Tantra workshop?” or “Did your husband get jealous of you working with hands-on sexual healers?”

No matter where I am in the country, I am asked the same questions over and over again about my adventures into the underground world of sacred sexuality. In my search for language,  I am embracing the term expanded monogamy and the monogamish marriage.

In my own expanded monogamish marriage, I have room to attend sexuality workshops that allow me to explore my own sexuality within my boundaries with myself and with others, and usually in a supervised workshop setting. I am able to be playful in my sexuality which keeps my own inner fire alive and my marriage sexually interesting.

It has become essential for me to be able to explore who I am as an individual as well as in my marriage. In my own expanded monogamous marriage, both my husband and I have the space to work with sexological body workers and sacred intimates who are there to support us on our own individual paths. We attend tantra workshops, which may include us working with sexual energy techniques with other participants – like moving our breath or eye gazing.

Having the space to explore and experiment with my sexuality within the boundaries of an expanded monogamy has supported my 30 year marriage where both my husband and I are happy and in a place that keeps the light burning in our own marriage bed. Having room to explore and expand your sexuality may, over time, turn a once sexless marriage into something else. Creating some room in our relationships for turning up the heat on our sexuality does not have to mean leaving the marriage or having an affair or polyamory which opens the door to another set of issues.

If we give ourselves the room to experiment and expand our own sexuality without shame, I believe that more people would stay within their relationships. We just need a little more room to breathe. It’s about creating sexual agreements that work for each partnership, and allowing each other the room to grow without ditching our lives.



Gwen Master’s -Blogged about her Erotic Literary Salon Appearance – “A Week in the Snow” Pre-Release Party

Gwen Master’s graced the Salon last June with some wonderful readings from several of her well known short stories. It also happened to coincide with her book release, “A Week in the Snow.” The Erotic Literary Salon held a pre-release party, complete with Burlesque Nymphette: The Infamous Miss Mae in her honor.

Gwen has offered to read again this summer, keep posted as to exact month.

While linking to a poignant video Gwen posted on fb, I noticed a most wonderful blog she posted about her experience at the Salon. A must read, especially if you have never attended.


The Erotic Literary Salon

This summer I had the wonderful opportunity to read a few short stories at The Erotic Literary Salon in Philadelphia. The beautiful Susana Mayer was the hostess for a night that included a lovely burlesque dancer, several exceptional readers and a launch party for A Week in the Snow.

I can’t say enough good things about Susana. She is a very open and compassionate hostess, filled with true joy in the work she does with the Salon. Her enthusiasm is contagious and drew me in immediately. Within five minutes of meeting her I felt as though she were an old friend.

The Salon was held in the Bohemian Absinthe Lounge, the sexy upstairs area of TIME Restaurant off Samson Street in Philly. Dinner at TIME was delightful and highly recommended, but upstairs was where the action really got into full swing.

That reading turned out to be one of the best in my career. I had so much fun! The energy in the room was alive, vivid and fluid. The readers were all passionate about their words. Those who came to listen really did listen — I remember well the feeling of being completely in the moment, sharing something delightful with a room full of people who were truly paying attention.

My reading came near the end of the Salon evening, so for much of the time I was one of those who sat back and listened. What a ride it was! There were tales that made me want to cry, and those that made me laugh out loud. The mood swung from serious and somber to raucous and fun. It was a rollercoaster ride of a night that hooked me from the first five minutes and made me want to do it again.

If you happen to be near the City of Brotherly Love and you need something to get your juices flowing — in every way you can imagine — then this is the place to be.

Tomorrow night is another hot evening at the Salon. If you’re in the Philly area, why not go and enjoy? For more information, take a look at The Erotic Literary Salon website.


The Essensual Experience Workshop with Monica Day – special price

Having watched Monica perform and worked with her on several events, I know this will be a most rewarding workshop. Monica has graciously offered to extend the special price of $299 (normally $349) for followers of the Erotic Literary Salon.

A Workshop For Finding and Sharing
Your Authentic Sensual Expression

Mondays in Philadelphia starting February 13th

What does it take to shake loose your authentic sensual voice and give it form and structure?

Come find out

In a world where our sensual and sexual selves are constantly being defined by others, when everything from how we sex, to who we love, to how our genitals look, is under scrutiny, where is the space for those small…hot, sexy…tender, intimate…shy, unsure…complex, layers of you to emerge?

The Essensual Experience provides that safe space.

The theme of the series is sensuality. Sex is on the continuum of sensuality, but it is only a portion of it. Sensuality is, quite literally, experiencing the world with our senses. Being grounded in our bodies — not just in our heads.

We will explore various forms of artistic expression – writing, movement, storytelling, improv and more -trying them on like shoes, to see what fits for each one of us. We will laugh, cry. Have fun, play. We will not “Dance as if no one were watching” but rather “dance as if everyone were watching and you don’t give a damn!”

When it comes to sex and sensuality, we can talk about things until we are blue in the face, but the truth of who we are is in our body. It is in our non-linear pockets of expression. It is in our willingness to be vulnerable, authentic. Artistic expression gives us new inroads to authenticity and vulnerability that, without the support of a small, safe, confidential group, we may not get to on our own.

Join this journey if you want to:

  • Become more comfortable in your own skin
  • Share yourself with others without shyness, shame and embarrassment
  • Remain open and present during the most intimate, vulnerable moments of your life
  • Feel more alive and fluid throughout your day
  • Wake up your creativity and watch it flow more freely into every area of your life
  • Learn how to create an intimate, sensual space in any environment
  • Find freedom through playing, trying new things, and having more fun
  • Forget about being perfect and instead, enjoy being authentic
  • Love who you are, without apology

This eight-week workshop series will culminate in an optional final public presentation of your work.

No artistic or performance experience necessary to participate.

Click here to register:


The Maas Building
1325 N. Randolph Street

Mondays, 6-9pm
starting February 13th
Final performance on April 16th

Workshop Fee: $349

$299* before January 20th
*artists, students and seniors always come at reduced rate.

For questions write: monica@thesensuallife.com or call: 215-901-1327