Category: Events

Reminder-Next Tuesday-Oct 15-The Erotic Literary Salon Live / Adult Sex Ed, Is There A Universal Sexual Desire?

Hope to see you all Tuesday; planning another evening of shared verbal pleasure and sex education.

Dr. Marty Klein in typical fashion, educates his interviewer by dispelling myths. The only suggestion – (1) I don’t agree with, since people with responsive libidos don’t always know if they are interested in sex until they are sexually aroused. More on libidos in my forth coming book, Does Sex Have an Expiration Date?

Is There A Universal Sexual Desire?

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I was on a podcast yesterday when the interviewer (call her Claire) said something like “Well, of course everyone wants to feel connected during sex.”

“No,” I replied.

“Well, no grownup really wants sex to be like, just two bodies hammering away at each other.”

Again I disagreed: “Sometimes grownups do,” I said.

She was both exasperated and curious. “Well, if connection isn’t the universal thing people want from sex, what is?”

“There isn’t a universal thing that everyone wants from sex,” I said. She was incredulous. “Not love, not pleasure, not gentleness, not roughness, certainly not reproduction, there are no universal desires involved in sex,” I continued. “Not in our time or place, not in another time or place, not ever, nowhere.”

“Then why,” Claire asked, “if connection isn’t a universal desire in sex, why else would someone bother to have sex?” (Note: we were talking strictly about consensual sex.)

“People have sex for a jillion different reasons,” I said. “In fact, the same person may have sex for very different reasons during the course of a month, and certainly during the course of a lifetime.” She asked me to name some, so I did. Here are reasons that people have sex that don’t involve emotional connection:

~ Expressing or experiencing autonomy;
~ Wanting to feel manly or womanly;
~ Validating one’s heterosexuality, homosexuality, or other sexual identity;
~ Wanting to feel graceful, adequate, youthful, or normal;
~ Wanting to acquire power
~ Wanting a physically intense experience
~ Wanting to feel or be creative
~ Wanting to forget about or contradict one’s last sexual experience
~ Wanting to feel aroused
~ …and of course, raw physical pleasure

“That’s quite a list,” Claire acknowledged. “But sex without emotional connection is meaningless,” she said.

“Yes, for some people it would be,” I said. “But sex itself is meaningless. We give it meaning. Or to put it differently, people try to arrange sex that is meaningful to them. What that involves is different from one person to another; it can even be different for the same person from one sexual episode to the next.”

“But sex has to have meaning,” she said.

“Why?” I asked. “Why do we assume sex has meaning, or should have? And further, why do we assume that what makes sex meaningful to Mary will make it meaningful to Leticia? People go out to dinner for different reasons, they buy cars for different reasons, get a dog for different reasons, and go to the gym for different reasons. And those reasons may change over time. Why should sex be any different?”

“Because sex is different,” she said.

“That’s a common cultural idea,” I said. “Sexual exceptionalism: that we need special ethics for sex, special decision-making for sex, special spirituality for sex. And a special meaning-making psychology for sex. But that just isn’t true,” I emphasized. “Sex is like everything else in life, only different.”

We approach sex with all the life skills we have, which are rarely enough. We bring our willingness or hesitation to communicate; our acceptance or rejection of our bodies; our shame or pride about who we are; our fears or comfort about men or women; and our beliefs about how much people can be trusted, just to name a few.

Everyone having sex does it while being an imperfect human (living in an imperfect body). Feeling ashamed (or angry) to be imperfect interferes with sexual relaxation and enjoyment just as it interferes with parenting, friendship, and other significant activities. Judging or rejecting ourselves isn’t something we save for sex—for those so inclined, it’s a 24-hour option.

My interviewer Claire had one more question, a common and deceptively simple-sounding one: “What’s one tip you have to help a person have fantastic sex?”

“Oh, I’d never try to help someone have fantastic sex,” I replied. “My advice is to give up that dream, and instead to desire sex that’s more enjoyable. And here’s how I would advise people to make sex more enjoyable:”

(1) Don’t do it when you don’t want to, or when you’re too tired;
(2) Accept your body exactly as it is;
(3) Tell your partner one thing he or she doesn’t know about your sexuality or your body; and
(4) Relax.

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Last Day-Sept 22- Reserve Seat-Between the Sheets: Table Talk Series

Special $75 offer has been extended. Tomorrow is the last day to reserve your seat (must pay in order to reserve)- see below for details.

Evenings of Taboo Table Talk: How to Please and Be Pleasured – September 24, 6pm-9pm

You are invited to be part of a community interested in developing their optimal sexuality. Discussions will be based on thought-provoking questions from attendees. The goal is to eliminate shame and normalize the joy of sexual pleasure through examination and discussion. Susana Mayer, PhD, founder and host of the Erotic Literary Salon, will facilitate the evening. Susana will introduce her “sand box” homework (pleasure behind closed doors,) which she suggests to all her clients.

The focus of the evening is on topics usually considered taboo at the dinner table. Please email your questions (pcsalons@gmail.com) or come prepared with a question in mind to be submitted anonymously.

Come with an open mind, open heart and empty belly. There will be 3+ courses of aphrodisiac inspired yumminess. CBD infusion will be provided for lacing your food and/or drink. (You may opt out of CBD infusion, but price remains the same.) Food accommodations cannot be made for allergies, intolerances or preferences.

Bring your own libation of choice. Selection of non-alcoholic beverages provided.

* Payment is non-refundable $75 

Download the Venmo App for payment – https://venmo.com/Secret-Table

Payment includes:
3+ course dinner (Food accommodations cannot be made for allergies, intolerances or preferences)
Non-alcoholic beverages
CBD infusion (You may opt out of CBD infusion, but price remains the same.)
Admission to the Erotic Literary Salon, one free reserved seat worth $24.
Goody bag
A few secret surprises
Discussion on Optimal Sexuality

PLUS

Email consultation with Susana Mayer, Ph.D. – one question will be answered worth $50-75 dollars

Free Samples

Free raffle ticket for $50 Gift Certificate from Passional https://www.passionalboutique.com/passional/.

Free raffle to win 2 tickets for entry to Tantra class from Connect-om, aka Dvora and Paul, “Partnered Pleasure Meditation” held in Mt. Airy, October 19.

Attendance to the event will be limited to the first 32 people to pay via Venmo app; please reserve your seats early.
* Seats will only be reserved with full payment.

Proud sponsors of this event:
The Erotic Literary Salon – https://www.theEroticliterarysalon.com
Secret Table – https://www.meetup.com/meetup-group-DJNmusxS/

* Important information

Tonight-Aug 20-The Erotic Literary Salon Live-HUMP! Film Festival Submission

Irene Reinke will be the featured presenter tonight. She will be giving us a “taste” of her upcoming Fringe Festival performance – a must see.

HUMP! Film Festival

The following information is taken from their website.

How to Submit

ALL 2019 SUBMISSIONS FOR THE 15TH ANNUAL HUMP! FILM FESTIVAL ARE DUE NO LATER THAN FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 13TH, 2019 AT 5PM PST.

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Hump once again invites amateur filmmakers, porn stars, porn-star wannabes, hotties, kinksters, regular folks, and all other creative types to make short porn films—five minutes max—for HUMP! 2019. HUMP! 2019 films can be hardcore, softcore, live action, animated, kinky, vanilla, straight, gay, lez, bi, trans, genderqueer—anything goes at HUMP! (Well, almost anything: No poop, no animals, no minors.)

HUMP! films are not released online or in any other form. Filmmakers retain all rights. Appearing in a film for HUMP! means getting to be a porn star in a movie theatre—not on the internet.

For more information link to –

https://humpfilmfest.com/submit/ 

 

Press Release-August 20-The Erotic Literary Salon / Adult Sex-Ed-Featuring Fringe Arts Performer Irene Reinke

Philadelphia’s Erotic Literary Salon / Adult Sex-/Ed -Live, Featuring Irene Reinke Fringe Arts Performer, Tuesday, August 2019.

PCSalons@gmail.com– contact: Susana Mayer, Ph.D., Founder and Host,

www.theEroticliterarysalon.com– guidelines for reading.

www.theEroticliterarysalon.com– blog: events, Salon notices, erotica, and guidelines.

 

The Erotic Literary Salon will be held Tuesday, August 20. The evening will start with Adult Sex-Ed Salon, a one-hour program devoted to sex and sexuality. The audience will have the opportunity to pose any questions regarding sex and sexuality anonymously. Sexologist Susana Mayer, PhD, along with co-host Walter will facilitate the Adult Sex-Ed Salon and attendees interested in sharing their knowledge and experiences will join in the discussion. This is always an extremely lively, audience driven Q & A period.

The Erotic Literary Salon will feature fusion dancer, Irene Reinke returning to the Salon to offer a preview of her Fringe Festival show (Sept. 14 & 21), “Candle, Sword, Fan”, each prop-focused dance represents a difference phase of life, with the last dance relating Eldership to Jung’s idea of exploring and mining one’s shadow self. And somehow through all this, The Plastic Club (second oldest artist club in America) becomes a featured character in this show!

phillyirene.com, instagram #candle_sword_fan, and https://fringearts.comsearch “Candle, Sword, Fan” for tickets.

 

PHILADELPHIA: Since 2008, The Erotic Literary Salon, unique in the English-speaking world has launched a growing movement mainstreaming erotica. Salons attract a supportive audience of 60 or more individuals. Approximately 10-15 attendees participate as writers, readers, storytellers, spoken-word performers of original works. The audience has the opportunity to participate sometimes reading sexuality quotes from various books or they can just listen, enjoy and applaud. The attendees also have the opportunity to create caption for erotic cartoon specifically designed for the Salon. Sign-up to read at the door; guidelines can be found at the Salon’s website.

 

Salons gather the 3rd Tuesday of every month atTIME (The Bohemian Absinthe Lounge), 1315 Sansom Street, Center City, Philadelphia. Doors open at 6:30 p.m., for cocktails, food and conversation. Adult Sex-Ed between 7:00-8:00, readings begin at approximately 8:30. Admission is $12, discounted for students and seniors to $10. Salon attendees must be 21.

 

Creator of this event, Dr. Susana, is Philadelphia’s best-known sexologist. She lends her voice to the Salon by offering relevant information to support the discussions that arise in the Salon and blog.

 

…surprisingly comfortable….Salon devotees praise her for the space she has created….”

“I think Susana is doing a very brave thing.”

Philadelphia Inquirer, February 10, 2010

 

“There are laughter and tears along with the hot rush of blood – to the face.”

Daily News, March 15, 2010

 

“I never knew such a life of honesty could exist. I finally found a home I can be comfortable in…this event changed my life.”

First-time attendee and reader 2013

 

“First time attending but I really enjoyed myself, great crowd, love the transparency and openness. Looking forward to next month with great anticipation.”

First-time attendee 2018

 

“Finding my voice in such an amazing community has been such a light in my life. I’m feeling whole and full of love.

Attendee 2019