Category: Events

Tonight-Tuesday-Sept.20-The Erotic Literary Salon-Live/Adult Sex-Ed, Article-Are You Sexually Compatible?

Theme for this evening’s Adult Sex-Ed – SEX: What’s Love Got To Do With It? Come with your question(s), write them anonymously.

relax_0

Article worth reading –

Are you Sexually Compatible?

As the urgency of a new relationship fades (honestly, you can only play “How many times can we have sex before being late to dinner?” so often before you stop getting invited) your sex life will take on a more comfortable tone. It’s still good but…different?

If you’re starting to wonder about your sexual compatibility in the context of a long term relationship, our questions can help shed some light on whether you’re just settling into a groove or dancing to different tunes.

compatibility

Sex Drive

Do you feel like one party is having sex more or less than they’d like to on a regular basis?

  1. Yes, I’m often feel like I’m bugging my partner for sex.
  2. No, we’re pretty equal.
  3. Yes, my partner’s sex drive is much higher than mine.

Do you find you and your partner get aroused at similar times during the day?

  1. Yes, we’re in step with each other.
  2. Sometimes they conflict but we try to accommodate both.
  3. No, it’s literally like night and day.

Sex drives are way more complicated than we tend to think, and can be affected by things as simple as what time of day either of you tend to be in the mood, or even who is initiating. Some people rarely feel like initiating sex, but are game as soon as there’s some kissing and cuddling going on. However, just because you’re turned on like clockwork as soon as you’re off the clock, but he doesn’t heat up ‘til later in the evening doesn’t mean you’re headed to a dead bedroom.Differences in sex drive can be worked through, if they don’t vary too widely, and if both partners are able to talk through their expectations for frequency of sex. Neither of you should feel badgered for sex and a partner who whines when they hear a ‘no’ is a huge red flag, but being able to talk about your expectations let it be a reasonable conversation rather than the nagging and guilt-tripping that lack of openness can make it seem like.

Openness & Communication

Are you able to discuss your sexual needs?

  1. Heck yes! I tell them exactly how to [redacted] [redacted] me [redacted]!
  2. I sometimes mention what I want either before or during sex.
  3. I prefer for my partner to anticipate my needs.

Obviously, some amount of conversation is required to a happy and healthy relationship, but it’s true that some people are just not as comfortable talking about sex. It can be highly situational, given that we all know one person who will enthusiastically describe their latest sex toy purchase in the middle of a restaurant, and those who prefer to keep it private, pillow-side conversations.

Again, you and your partner don’t need to be exactly the same, but if one of you likes to hear naughty talk in the bedroom and views sexting as a required foreplay, it may be difficult to work through if the other gets uncomfortable with the most euphemistic discussions of sexuality and body parts.

Sexual Style

LELO-Suede-Whip-purple-sensuaYou would describe your preferred sexual style as:

  1. Harder, better, stronger, faster!
  2. I take the rough with the smooth.
  3. When it comes to love, I want a slow hand.

How often do you like to switch up your routine?

  1. As much as I can!
  2. Sometimes.
  3. We’ve perfected a groove that works for us.

Foreplay is…

  1. What’s for dinner, every night.
  2. All about give and take.
  3. Something I don’t have the patience for.

Sexual style is just about equal parts what you naturally gravitate towards in bed, and also how open (and enthusiastic) you are about new experiences, and doesn’t necessarily depend on how kinky you are. To clarify, some people might be happy with the inclusion of hand cuffs or ticklers once in a while, while others are greatly interested and invested with exploring new sensations.

Sexual tastes can develop at any time, and while some people may dip their toe into new kinks occasionally, or are happy to do so to please their partner, but don’t feel particularly compelled to continue explore new things on a regular basis. In that way, two people of differing styles can still have a happy sex life, but if catering to each other’s tastes seems like a chore, it doesn’t bode well.Does your partner feel the need to push sexual boundaries and explore new kinks regularly? Try and be open minded and enthusiastic to try new things within reason. You don’t want to agree to things that will upset or disgust you, but you may find you get a lot of enjoyment out of their kinky pleasure.

Monogamy

Monogamy and you are:

  1. Mortal enemies.
  2. In talks.
  3. Monogamous.

Monogamy has been the assumed default model for relationships for so long, people can forget that it’s an important discussion to have. Clearly, given the popularity of the threesome fantasy, it simply doesn’t make sense to never discuss how ‘open’ you’d both like your relationship to be.Some people will treat watching porn as infidelity, and some people will want their partners to be able to find sexual satisfaction with other people in situations where they can’t or would not like to fill a particular need. Both can be equally healthy as long as those attitudes are discussed and agreed upon (sincerely). And hey, it’s ok to change your mind about the level you’ve agreed upon during your relationship, just make sure it’s posed as a new discussion and not an accusation.

Intimacy & Affection

When you think of the most intimate moments you share with your partner, you think of:

  1. Cuddling on the couch.
  2. Having a deep conversation at dinner.
  3. When you’re both in the throes of passion.

Your favorite place to keep your hands is:

  1. All over your partner.
  2. In their hand.
  3. In my pockets.

When you’re stressed out…

  1. Sex is the furthest thing from my mind.
  2. My partner and I relax with each other, sometimes through sex.
  3. Sex is my go-to way to relax.

This may not seem entirely like it’s relevant to sexual compatibility, but bear with us. Imagine one partner rarely makes bodily contact with the other, unless they’re in the bedroom. If their partner is a highly affectionate person, this can seem cold, and perhaps make them think their partner is only interested in them sexually.

Really, we all have different ways of communicating love and affection, as well as attitudes toward things like PDA. Because they aren’t calculated responses, we don’t always think about how our partner will interpret them. By examining your habits and talking about them, you can clear up any misunderstandings about behavior, and also learn how to better communicate affection and intimacy to your partner purposefully.

Conclusion

Be honest: How important is sex to you?

  1. It can fluctuate depending on who I’m with.
  2. Extremely!
  3. I like sex but it doesn’t figure that much into my daily life.

Look back over your answers, and think about how your partner would answer them. Better yet, ask! This is a key step to finding out how compatible you are because it will open up discussions about things that you both may have assumed about each other. Have different answers? Before you panic (it’s ok, we promise!) focus on which things are negotiable for you and your partner.

You know yourself that things are rarely black and white, compromise and flexibility are key to establishing how complementary you are as a couple.

And figuring out how you both feel about these aspects of your sexuality doesn’t mean squaring off to see who can get more out of the other person, or that you need to change fundamental parts of yourself. Negotiation might not sound sexy, but trust us when we say that discussing things like how kinky you are and how often you get turned on tend inspire couples to discovery!

https://www.lelo.com/blog/are-you-sexually-compatible/

Next Tuesday, Sept 20, The Erotic Literary Salon-live, Adult Sex-Ed-Having Sex, Making Love, Fucking

Sex, What’s Love Got To Do With It?

feet

Come with your questions, write them anonymously. It is rare that you have the opportunity to ask your question to a certified sexologist, an audience filled with people of all ages, ethnic backgrounds, all orientations, all genders, and the co-host Walter who will put a spin on it. Refer to the subject – What is the difference between making love, having sex and fucking. and Sex, What’s love got to do with it?

Press Release-September 20-The Erotic Literary Salon

Philadelphia’s Erotic Literary Salon and the Adult Sex-Ed Salon (Sex: What’s Love Got to Do with it?) Present Edutainment Live in Philadelphia, Tuesday, Sept 20.

 Whats-love-got-to-do

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

 

 

PCSalons@gmail.com – contact: Susana Mayer, Ph.D., Salonnière,

PCSalons@gmail.comreserve a time slot to read at Salon (5 min max)

www.theEroticliterarysalon.com – guidelines for reading.

www.theEroticliterarysalon.com – blog: events, Salon notices, erotica, and guidelines.

 

 

The Erotic Literary Salon will be held Tuesday, September, 20. This Salon is unique in the English-speaking world and has launched a growing movement mainstreaming erotica. Salons attract a supportive audience of 65 or more individuals. Approximately 15 participate as writers, readers, storytellers, spoken word performers of original works/words of others, the rest just come to listen, enjoy and applaud.

 

The Adult Sex-Ed Salon is a one-hour program held prior to the Erotic Literary Salon. This month’s theme will be “Sex: What’s Love Got to Do With It?” Attendees will have the opportunity to pose their questions regarding this theme anonymously. Sexologist Susana Mayer, PhD, along with co-host Walter will facilitate this Salon and attendees interested in sharing their knowledge and experiences will join in the discussion.

 

Salons gather the 3rd Tuesday of every month at TIME (The Bohemian Absinthe Lounge), 1315 Sansom Street, Center City, Philadelphia. Doors open at 6:30 p.m., for cocktails, food and conversation. Adult Sex-Ed between 7:00-8:00, readings begin at 8:30. Admission is $12, discounted for students and seniors to $10. Salon attendees must be 21.

 

Creator of this event, Dr. Susana, is Philadelphia’s best-known sexologist. She lends her voice to the Salon by offering relevant information to support the discussions that arise in the Salon and blog.

…surprisingly comfortable….Salon devotees praise her for the space she has created….”

“I think Susana is doing a very brave thing.”

Philadelphia Inquirer, February 10, 2010

 

“There are laughter and tears along with the hot rush of blood – to the face.

Daily News, March 15, 2010

 

“I never knew such a life of honesty could exist. I finally found a home I can be comfortable in…this event changed my life.

First-time attendee and reader 2013

 

 

Reminder Next Tuesday-Aug 16-The Erotic Literary Salon-Live, In Memoriam: Joani Blank by Dr. Carol Queen

Featured Presenter this Tuesday, Aug. 16 will be Big Crunch from the Fringe Arts Festival. A must see!

471088153

The field of human sexuality lost a powerful figure this week – Joani Blank, founder of Good Vibrations and Down There Press. The Dean of my graduate school wanted to introduce me to her, claimed we had much in common. Never happened, life got in the way, wish it had been different. A few words from people who are indebted to this trailblazer:

In memoriam: Joani Blank

Joani Blank, who founded Good Vibrations in 1977, has died. She was 79 and had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer just over two months before.

True to form for a woman who promoted her business with the phrase “If you want something done right, do it yourself,” Joani died at home, with family and her beloved dog Bapu at her side, on her own schedule. Just a couple of months after California legalized physician-assisted suicide, Joani chose to treat her symptoms palliatively but not the aggressive disease itself, whose poor prognosis and painful treatments would have curbed her ability to enjoy her last weeks of life. Her August 6 exit followed a month of tributes and time spent connecting with family and friends; she was proud to face death with the same degree of forthrightness and fearlessness she brought to discussions about sexuality.

joani80Joani was already working to change society’s attitudes about sex, especially women’s sexuality, sexual health, and reproductive rights, when the idea to form Good Vibrations hit. Involved with San Francisco Sex Information in the early 1970s, she founded Down There Press in 1975 (its first project was her book about vibrators… in calligraphy!) and then began working with famed feminist sex therapist Lonnie Barbach’s project to support “pre-orgasmic” women, held at UC Medical Center. It was there that Joani heard countless women, when recommended they try a vibrator, protest that they would never want to enter one of those placesto get one. In what we called a “click” moment back then (like a light switch flipping on), Joani realized how much she could contribute by creating a very different kind of place. Touted as a “clean, well-lighted place for sex toys, books, and [later] videos,” Joani’s brainstorm did indeed immediately serve women––and everybody else, since people of every gender and identity, it turns out, needed a place that focused on comfortable communication, correct information, and good-quality sex-related products. In many ways, that’s still GV’s mission in a nutshell. Her first store was about the size of a postage stamp, but it made room for a shelf full of antique vibrators (so her customers would understand that these handy helpers had a much longer history than just as implements of the sexual revolution). This became the seed of the Antique Vibrator Museum, of which I am today the proud curator.

Jackie Rednour-Bruckman, Joani Blank, Carol Queen

I began working at Good Vibrations in 1990 after I’d met Joani a year or two before; we were both participants in one of Betty Dodson’s rare west Coast Bodysex workshops, which is a hell of a way to meet a future employer! But JB (as I called her) was more than that to me: she was a friend, a mentor, and an inspiration, supporting my growing role at Good Vibrations as well as my community projects and my solo work, including my writing. She published my first book, Exhibitionism for the Shy, and her edits and encouragement added a lot to its impact. She did this for so many people, from helping Susie Bright launch her important Herotica series of women-authored erotic fiction to helping produce Shar Rednour and Jackie Strano’s first film “Bend Over Boyfriend”; she also consulted with and supported many (maybe most) of the businesses that emerged in the 1990s and beyond to become GV’s “sister stores.” (The story of these, and Joani’s visionary role in their creation and growth, is the subject of our friend Lynn Comella’s forthcoming book from Duke University Press, Vibrator Nation: How Feminist Sex-Toy Stores Changed the Business of Pleasure. Joani was only the second US woman entrepreneur to open a sex shop; the other, Dell Williams of NYC’s Eve’s Garden, died in early 2015).

Joani Blank's State of California proclamation

On July 14th many of the current core staff of Good Vibrations gathered to honor Joani’s role in our lives with more than two dozen past staff members, including important colleagues from the 1980s and ‘90s like Cathy Winks and Anne Semans, who formed the heart of Joani’s inner circle when I arrived at GV in 1990. Though rapidly organized, word spread far and wide, thanks to the energies of old-timers Shar Rednour, Deborah Mayer, and Samantha Miller. People who couldn’t make it from out of town, like Charlie Glickman and Roma Estevez, Skyped or FaceTimed in so they could participate. Also present were Joani’s daughter Amika and her sister Bobbie. Tributes, anecdotes and memories flowed.

“I will miss Joani very much and am deeply sad about her passing,” says Jackie Rednour-Bruckman, now Executive VP at Good Vibrations but originally a mid-1990s SESA. “She was so vital and so ready to do so much more before cancer took her way too fast and too soon. She was 79 but young at heart and still had so much to say about everything and was deeply involved in many social justice issues. I will treasure her friendship forever––we had a special bond and I am grateful forever to her loyalty and love and inspiration. I hope I have made her proud.”

All of Joani’s many communities came together on July 30 at The First Unitarian Church in Oakland to celebrate her life. Just down the street from her home in the Swan’s Market Cohousing community, this was JB’s own congregation, where she’d enjoyed singing in the choir and making connections. She sat to the side, happily engulfed in love and appreciation, as her beloved choir made music for her and speakers from many sides of her world spoke up in tribute. Other entities deeply important to Joani are cohousing; the Human Awareness Institute; and the UU Church (which isn’t surprising, given its own revolutionary track record on behalf of sex education)––and someone was on hand from each of these to talk about Joani’s participation and contributions there. I spoke up on behalf of Good Vibrations; David Steinberg, an old friend and publishing associate, spoke too, and JB’s sister Bobbie sent a letter about their family history, read by Joani’s cousin Susan Sugarman. Amika, with her three beautiful kids at her side, spoke movingly about her changing and deepening relationship with her mom, and how the social consciousness that Joani embodied in public had real meaning inside their family too.

JBJoani also aimed her activism at the world of money, and she invited her philanthropic advisor, “resourceful woman” Tracy Gary to speak about JB’s history of giving and to encourage attendees to donate to causes close to Joani’s heart. (I’ve included those below for any readers who want to participate in honoring her in this way.) Early in Good Vibrations’s history Joani was part of an alternative business philosophy called Briarpatch, which held that competition was not a threat and a rising tide would float all boats; this explains her willingness to consult with and support friendly competitors, since her vision of change involved empowering others to create businesses just as she had done. Joani believed in word of mouth over ads and felt that community engagement was the most significant way she could promote Good Vibrations and its message. It was never primarily about money for her, but about the effect GV could have on the culture. I have such a unique career today because, really, she was right: The needs of individuals and communities are still to quash shame, find the right information and good-quality products that will enhance and support pleasure and self-exploration. From those seemingly simple things, a world of change and ever-developing identity can emerge. We can all be enormously grateful to Joani Blank and her pleasure-centric, culture-shifting vision.

Joani selected five organizations to which contributions may be made in her name:
*Human Awareness Institute (www.hai.org)
*Democracy at Work Institute (www.institute.coop)
*Center for Sex & Culture (www.sexandculture.org)
*Cohousing Association of the US (www.cohousing.org)
*First Unitarian Church of Oakland (www.uuoakland.org)
Or support a nonprofit organization of your choice.

Joani is survived by her adopted daughter Amika (open adoption was another of the causes that benefited from her activism) and her grandchildren Milo, Soleil, and Blossom; constant canine companion Bapu; her sister Bobbie (aka Barbara Hauser) and other relatives; and countless friends, colleagues, and activist buddies whose lives were stretched in many ways thanks to Joani’s leadership, honesty, and immediacy. She will be deeply missed in many hearts and communities.

For more about JB, you can visit her website: http://joaniblank.com/

CQ & JB

 

Charlie Glickman, world renowned sex educator

I know that many of you have seen the news about Joani Blank’s death. Many others have said this, and I need to say it, too. I wouldn’t be here as the sex educator I am if it wasn’t for her. Joani was the founder of Good Vibrations, where I was hired twenty years ago in my first paying job as a sex educator. That was what launched my career, and I’m not alone in that.

These days, there are countless other sex-positive, female-friendly, well-lit, clean sex toy stores. There are plenty of companies making body-safe, reliable, and well-designed pleasure products. There are more books about sex and pleasure than ever before. You can thank Joani Blank for all of that because Good Vibrations came along and made it ok for women to enjoy vibrators and other sex toys. That was the catalyst for some amazing things.

Joani literally changed the world. Go celebrate her life with an orgasm or three. I think she’d be proud of that.

http://charlieglickman.com