What Part of “Fantasy” Don’t They Understand?, Resuscitate your relationship with erotica

Two very interesting and informative blog posts on erotica/porn:

50-shades-of-Grey-fifty-shades-trilogy-35496887-400-400

What Part of “Fantasy” Don’t They Understand?

Dr. Marty Klein

The success of “50 Shades of Grey” and news about Pornhub’s most popular search terms has too many people buzzing about the alleged dangers of each.

Both traditional conservatives and some self-identified feminists are condemning 50 Shades as encouraging violence against women. Clearly, these people know nothing about S/M, and not nearly enough about violence against women. Similarly, groups like xxxChurch and other anti-porn crusaders are dismayed that “teens” was the most popular porn search term last year, fearing this means we’re about to see a rash of adults trying to have sex with teens.

The panic about both of these things is founded on the persistent myth that enjoying a fantasy is the same thing as desiring it in real life. If that were true, millions of our neighbors would be punching their bosses, sleeping with their brothers-in-law, selling their homes to start over in Boise, or urinating on the very next TSA guard that hassles them.

Most grownups know that fantasy doesn’t equal desire and that it doesn’t predict behavior. One of the ways we cope with the pressures and complicated decision-making of adulthood is fantasy. We watch Star Wars and Star Trek, CSI and Grey’s Anatomy, John Wayne and Clint Eastwood and James Bond (and yes, Wonder Woman and the Million Dollar Baby) and we think “If only that were me…if only I had the chance…”

And we make damn sure we never have the chance. That mayhem stuff is dangerous. Fun to imagine, but nothing to mess with.

Which explains the appeal of 50 Shades of Grey: Fun to imagine, but nothing to mess with. And the appeal of porn featuring 18 and 19 year olds (the only teen porn you can find on the overwhelming majority of porn sites): fun to imagine, but nothing to mess with.

Yes, there are people who coerce women sexually. And adults who romance college kids, even some high school kids. But 50 Shades isn’t making that happen, and neither is porn. According to the federal Justice Department, the incidence of each has gone down in the last decade.
* * *
Anyone who looks at 50 Shades and thinks that women like to get roughed up is (a) not really watching the movie, and (b) thinking that before they watch the film. The idea that women like to fall in love with guys who rough them up was popular before E.L. James was born. Jimmy Cagney and Jane Austen come to mind. 50 Shades isn’t the problem. Given economic options, most women don’t stay with someone who roughs them up. And, of course, 50 Shades isn’t about roughing someone up, it’s about two people collaborating on an experiment.

The concern about porn and – read more:

https://sexualintelligence.wordpress.com/2015/02/23/what-part-of-fantasy-dont-they-understand/

 

Resuscitate your relationship with erotica

ALL WOMAN  

So the honeymoon phase of your relationship is over and life is becoming monotonous. Everything in the relationship has become boring, including the sex, which is now once a week, and a scheduled activity. Honestly, you have both tried everything that you could possibly think of, but still there is something lacking. How can you get that spark back?

With the recent release of the Fifty Shades of Grey movie, women all over have been lobbying for more passion in their love lives. And men all over have been seeking ways to meet the demand.

Here to help is Jamaican author K Sean Harris, who is no stranger to erotic fiction. Below he shares five ways in which erotica can add some much needed spice to your relationship.

1. Erotica can help to broaden your sexual horizons; adding a bit of spontaneity to your love life, especially if sex has become predictable. Most of us go through school reading books related to our course of study, he said, but how many of us pick up books about sex? “You learn a lot through reading. And it’s no different with well-written erotic fiction. You can learn many new things or new spins on old ones, and that knowledge can be brought into the bedroom to resuscitate relationships on their sexual deathbed,” he said. So the next time you are in the bookstore, walk on over to the adult section and browse. See what they have; you never know what you may find.

2. Erotica can help to enhance communication between you and your partner. Though many persons may not frequently practise this, talking about sex with your partner is actually quite a liberating experience. “One of the keys to a healthy sex life is actually being able to talk about sex freely with one’s partner, and being able to reference scenes or acts from a book as an example of something that you’d like to do can be a catalyst to create excitement where there used to be a dull routine,” said Harris. This tip alone, if taken seriously, can change the whole dynamics of your relationship.

3. Erotica can be an excellent aphrodisiac. Within the privacy of your bedroom, before jumping into bed, flipping through a few pages of an erotic novel can be good foreplay. “Erotica gets you in the mood for the real thing. Think of it this way, it is like a literary lubricant,” Harris said. So bookmark that page and go right ahead…

4. Erotica is a great source for ideas. Sex performed in the same way every time gets boring. It is often said that sex it not only a physical thing, it is a mental thing as well, and as such the brain is actually the biggest sex organ there is. If that is so, why not give it something to think about? “Erotica provides tons of ways and scenarios for people to have sex and introduces readers to experiences and fantasies that they likely wouldn’t have thought of before or in some cases, can relate to, which in itself can be a huge turn-on — seeing the things you love deliciously described in print,” said Harris.

5. Erotica facilitates intimacy and sharing between couples. “Erotica can add a whole new dynamic to a relationship. When couples read sexy paragraphs or scenes to each other in bed it can be a super cool way of talking dirty to each other with no pressure of coming up with the right words to say.”

http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/allwoman/Resuscitate-your-relationship-with-erotica

 

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