Whats-love-got-to-do

Press Release-September 20-The Erot...

Philadelphia’s Erotic Literary Salon and the Adult Sex-Ed Salon (Sex: What's Love Got to Do with it?) Present Edutainment Live in Philadelphia, Tues...

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Reminder Next Tuesday-Aug 16-The Er...

Featured Presenter this Tuesday, Aug. 16 will be Big Crunch from the Fringe Arts Festival. A must see! The field of human sexuality lost a powe...

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Press Release-Aug 16-The Erotic Lit...

Philadelphia’s Erotic Literary Salon Presents Fringe Art’s Performer Sam Congdon, Along with Attendee Readers, Tuesday, Aug. 16.   Tuesday,...

Etty-Candaules_King_of_Lydia_Shews_his_Wife_to_Gyges

Watching His Wife With Other Guys (...

Candaulism: Wikipedia definition, excerpt - Candaulism is a sexual practice or fantasy in which a man exposes his female partner, or images of...

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Whats-love-got-to-do

Press Release-September 20-The Erotic Literary Salon

Philadelphia’s Erotic Literary Salon and the Adult Sex-Ed Salon (Sex: What's Love Got to Do with it?) Present Edutainment Live in Philadel...

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Whats-love-got-to-do

Press Release-September 20-The Erotic Literary Salon

Philadelphia’s Erotic Literary Salon and the Adult Sex-Ed Salon (Sex: What's Love Got to Do with i...

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First Sex Hospital, “Holy Grail” of Condom Tech, Sodomy a Felony in Michigan

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Press Release-September 20-The Erotic Literary Salon

Philadelphia’s Erotic Literary Salon and the Adult Sex-Ed Salon (Sex: What’s Love Got to Do with it?) Present Edutainment Live in Philadelphia, Tuesday, Sept 20.

 Whats-love-got-to-do

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

 

 

PCSalons@gmail.com – contact: Susana Mayer, Ph.D., Salonnière,

PCSalons@gmail.comreserve a time slot to read at Salon (5 min max)

www.theEroticliterarysalon.com – guidelines for reading.

www.theEroticliterarysalon.com – blog: events, Salon notices, erotica, and guidelines.

 

 

The Erotic Literary Salon will be held Tuesday, September, 20. This Salon is unique in the English-speaking world and has launched a growing movement mainstreaming erotica. Salons attract a supportive audience of 65 or more individuals. Approximately 15 participate as writers, readers, storytellers, spoken word performers of original works/words of others, the rest just come to listen, enjoy and applaud.

 

The Adult Sex-Ed Salon is a one-hour program held prior to the Erotic Literary Salon. This month’s theme will be “Sex: What’s Love Got to Do With It?” Attendees will have the opportunity to pose their questions regarding this theme anonymously. Sexologist Susana Mayer, PhD, along with co-host Walter will facilitate this Salon and attendees interested in sharing their knowledge and experiences will join in the discussion.

 

Salons gather the 3rd Tuesday of every month at TIME (The Bohemian Absinthe Lounge), 1315 Sansom Street, Center City, Philadelphia. Doors open at 6:30 p.m., for cocktails, food and conversation. Adult Sex-Ed between 7:00-8:00, readings begin at 8:30. Admission is $12, discounted for students and seniors to $10. Salon attendees must be 21.

 

Creator of this event, Dr. Susana, is Philadelphia’s best-known sexologist. She lends her voice to the Salon by offering relevant information to support the discussions that arise in the Salon and blog.

…surprisingly comfortable….Salon devotees praise her for the space she has created….”

“I think Susana is doing a very brave thing.”

Philadelphia Inquirer, February 10, 2010

 

“There are laughter and tears along with the hot rush of blood – to the face.

Daily News, March 15, 2010

 

“I never knew such a life of honesty could exist. I finally found a home I can be comfortable in…this event changed my life.

First-time attendee and reader 2013

 

 

Reminder Next Tuesday-Aug 16-The Erotic Literary Salon-Live, In Memoriam: Joani Blank by Dr. Carol Queen

Featured Presenter this Tuesday, Aug. 16 will be Big Crunch from the Fringe Arts Festival. A must see!

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The field of human sexuality lost a powerful figure this week – Joani Blank, founder of Good Vibrations and Down There Press. The Dean of my graduate school wanted to introduce me to her, claimed we had much in common. Never happened, life got in the way, wish it had been different. A few words from people who are indebted to this trailblazer:

In memoriam: Joani Blank

Joani Blank, who founded Good Vibrations in 1977, has died. She was 79 and had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer just over two months before.

True to form for a woman who promoted her business with the phrase “If you want something done right, do it yourself,” Joani died at home, with family and her beloved dog Bapu at her side, on her own schedule. Just a couple of months after California legalized physician-assisted suicide, Joani chose to treat her symptoms palliatively but not the aggressive disease itself, whose poor prognosis and painful treatments would have curbed her ability to enjoy her last weeks of life. Her August 6 exit followed a month of tributes and time spent connecting with family and friends; she was proud to face death with the same degree of forthrightness and fearlessness she brought to discussions about sexuality.

joani80Joani was already working to change society’s attitudes about sex, especially women’s sexuality, sexual health, and reproductive rights, when the idea to form Good Vibrations hit. Involved with San Francisco Sex Information in the early 1970s, she founded Down There Press in 1975 (its first project was her book about vibrators… in calligraphy!) and then began working with famed feminist sex therapist Lonnie Barbach’s project to support “pre-orgasmic” women, held at UC Medical Center. It was there that Joani heard countless women, when recommended they try a vibrator, protest that they would never want to enter one of those placesto get one. In what we called a “click” moment back then (like a light switch flipping on), Joani realized how much she could contribute by creating a very different kind of place. Touted as a “clean, well-lighted place for sex toys, books, and [later] videos,” Joani’s brainstorm did indeed immediately serve women––and everybody else, since people of every gender and identity, it turns out, needed a place that focused on comfortable communication, correct information, and good-quality sex-related products. In many ways, that’s still GV’s mission in a nutshell. Her first store was about the size of a postage stamp, but it made room for a shelf full of antique vibrators (so her customers would understand that these handy helpers had a much longer history than just as implements of the sexual revolution). This became the seed of the Antique Vibrator Museum, of which I am today the proud curator.

Jackie Rednour-Bruckman, Joani Blank, Carol Queen

I began working at Good Vibrations in 1990 after I’d met Joani a year or two before; we were both participants in one of Betty Dodson’s rare west Coast Bodysex workshops, which is a hell of a way to meet a future employer! But JB (as I called her) was more than that to me: she was a friend, a mentor, and an inspiration, supporting my growing role at Good Vibrations as well as my community projects and my solo work, including my writing. She published my first book, Exhibitionism for the Shy, and her edits and encouragement added a lot to its impact. She did this for so many people, from helping Susie Bright launch her important Herotica series of women-authored erotic fiction to helping produce Shar Rednour and Jackie Strano’s first film “Bend Over Boyfriend”; she also consulted with and supported many (maybe most) of the businesses that emerged in the 1990s and beyond to become GV’s “sister stores.” (The story of these, and Joani’s visionary role in their creation and growth, is the subject of our friend Lynn Comella’s forthcoming book from Duke University Press, Vibrator Nation: How Feminist Sex-Toy Stores Changed the Business of Pleasure. Joani was only the second US woman entrepreneur to open a sex shop; the other, Dell Williams of NYC’s Eve’s Garden, died in early 2015).

Joani Blank's State of California proclamation

On July 14th many of the current core staff of Good Vibrations gathered to honor Joani’s role in our lives with more than two dozen past staff members, including important colleagues from the 1980s and ‘90s like Cathy Winks and Anne Semans, who formed the heart of Joani’s inner circle when I arrived at GV in 1990. Though rapidly organized, word spread far and wide, thanks to the energies of old-timers Shar Rednour, Deborah Mayer, and Samantha Miller. People who couldn’t make it from out of town, like Charlie Glickman and Roma Estevez, Skyped or FaceTimed in so they could participate. Also present were Joani’s daughter Amika and her sister Bobbie. Tributes, anecdotes and memories flowed.

“I will miss Joani very much and am deeply sad about her passing,” says Jackie Rednour-Bruckman, now Executive VP at Good Vibrations but originally a mid-1990s SESA. “She was so vital and so ready to do so much more before cancer took her way too fast and too soon. She was 79 but young at heart and still had so much to say about everything and was deeply involved in many social justice issues. I will treasure her friendship forever––we had a special bond and I am grateful forever to her loyalty and love and inspiration. I hope I have made her proud.”

All of Joani’s many communities came together on July 30 at The First Unitarian Church in Oakland to celebrate her life. Just down the street from her home in the Swan’s Market Cohousing community, this was JB’s own congregation, where she’d enjoyed singing in the choir and making connections. She sat to the side, happily engulfed in love and appreciation, as her beloved choir made music for her and speakers from many sides of her world spoke up in tribute. Other entities deeply important to Joani are cohousing; the Human Awareness Institute; and the UU Church (which isn’t surprising, given its own revolutionary track record on behalf of sex education)––and someone was on hand from each of these to talk about Joani’s participation and contributions there. I spoke up on behalf of Good Vibrations; David Steinberg, an old friend and publishing associate, spoke too, and JB’s sister Bobbie sent a letter about their family history, read by Joani’s cousin Susan Sugarman. Amika, with her three beautiful kids at her side, spoke movingly about her changing and deepening relationship with her mom, and how the social consciousness that Joani embodied in public had real meaning inside their family too.

JBJoani also aimed her activism at the world of money, and she invited her philanthropic advisor, “resourceful woman” Tracy Gary to speak about JB’s history of giving and to encourage attendees to donate to causes close to Joani’s heart. (I’ve included those below for any readers who want to participate in honoring her in this way.) Early in Good Vibrations’s history Joani was part of an alternative business philosophy called Briarpatch, which held that competition was not a threat and a rising tide would float all boats; this explains her willingness to consult with and support friendly competitors, since her vision of change involved empowering others to create businesses just as she had done. Joani believed in word of mouth over ads and felt that community engagement was the most significant way she could promote Good Vibrations and its message. It was never primarily about money for her, but about the effect GV could have on the culture. I have such a unique career today because, really, she was right: The needs of individuals and communities are still to quash shame, find the right information and good-quality products that will enhance and support pleasure and self-exploration. From those seemingly simple things, a world of change and ever-developing identity can emerge. We can all be enormously grateful to Joani Blank and her pleasure-centric, culture-shifting vision.

Joani selected five organizations to which contributions may be made in her name:
*Human Awareness Institute (www.hai.org)
*Democracy at Work Institute (www.institute.coop)
*Center for Sex & Culture (www.sexandculture.org)
*Cohousing Association of the US (www.cohousing.org)
*First Unitarian Church of Oakland (www.uuoakland.org)
Or support a nonprofit organization of your choice.

Joani is survived by her adopted daughter Amika (open adoption was another of the causes that benefited from her activism) and her grandchildren Milo, Soleil, and Blossom; constant canine companion Bapu; her sister Bobbie (aka Barbara Hauser) and other relatives; and countless friends, colleagues, and activist buddies whose lives were stretched in many ways thanks to Joani’s leadership, honesty, and immediacy. She will be deeply missed in many hearts and communities.

For more about JB, you can visit her website: http://joaniblank.com/

CQ & JB

 

Charlie Glickman, world renowned sex educator

I know that many of you have seen the news about Joani Blank’s death. Many others have said this, and I need to say it, too. I wouldn’t be here as the sex educator I am if it wasn’t for her. Joani was the founder of Good Vibrations, where I was hired twenty years ago in my first paying job as a sex educator. That was what launched my career, and I’m not alone in that.

These days, there are countless other sex-positive, female-friendly, well-lit, clean sex toy stores. There are plenty of companies making body-safe, reliable, and well-designed pleasure products. There are more books about sex and pleasure than ever before. You can thank Joani Blank for all of that because Good Vibrations came along and made it ok for women to enjoy vibrators and other sex toys. That was the catalyst for some amazing things.

Joani literally changed the world. Go celebrate her life with an orgasm or three. I think she’d be proud of that.

http://charlieglickman.com

 

Press Release-Aug 16-The Erotic Literary Salon-Live, Fringe Arts Festival-Big Crunch

Philadelphia’s Erotic Literary Salon Presents Fringe Art’s Performer Sam Congdon, Along with Attendee Readers, Tuesday, Aug. 16.

 mbmy2zrmlrhapo56wjqs

Tuesday, July 25, 2016

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

 

 

PCSalons@gmail.com – contact: Susana Mayer, Ph.D., Salonnière,

PCSalons@gmail.com – reserve a time slot to read at Salon (5 min max)

www.theEroticliterarysalon.com – guidelines for reading.

www.theEroticliterarysalon.com – blog: events, Salon notices, erotica, and guidelines.

 

 

The Erotic Literary Salon will be held Tuesday, Aug.16. Featured presenter Sam Congdon, curator and multimedia artist will introduce Big Crunch his Fringe Arts Festival event. “The world has gone rigid. Gender roles are strictly enforced by a ruthless government. There is a queer rage bubbling up through one cyborg’s circuitry, but can a single robot bring it all down? A queer sci-fi odyssey of self-discovery and rebellion blending solo performance, experimental electronic music, and video.” Approximately fifteen attendees will also entertain with their 5-minute erotica, sex memoirs, rants, short stories and poetry.

 

The Adult Sex-Ed Salon is a one-hour program held prior to the Erotic Literary Salon. This month’s theme will be sexual attraction. How does romantic love and sexual desire play out in your life? Attendees will have the opportunity to pose their questions anonymously. ‘Walter’ along with Sexologist Susana Mayer, Ph.D. will answer them and attendees interested in sharing their knowledge and experiences will join in the discussion.

 

PHILADELPHIA: The Erotic Literary Salon, unique in the English-speaking world has launched a growing movement mainstreaming erotica. Salons attract a supportive audience of 65 or more individuals. Approximately 15 participate as writers, readers, storytellers, spoken word performers of original works/words of others, the rest just come to listen, enjoy and applaud. Frances, our resident nonagenarian (98 years young) occasionally recites her original erotica.

 

Salons gather the 3rd Tuesday of every month at TIME (The Bohemian Absinthe Lounge), 1315 Sansom Street, Center City, Philadelphia. Doors open at 6:30 p.m., for cocktails, food and conversation. Adult Sex-Ed between 7:00-8:00, readings begin at 8:30. Admission is $12, discounted for students and seniors to $10. Salon attendees must be 21.

 

Creator of this event, Dr. Susana, is Philadelphia’s best-known sexologist. She lends her voice to the Salon by offering relevant information to support the discussions that arise in the Salon and blog.

…surprisingly comfortable….Salon devotees praise her for the space she has created….” 

“I think Susana is doing a very brave thing.” 

Philadelphia Inquirer, February 10, 2010

 

“There are laughter and tears along with the hot rush of blood – to the face. 

Daily News, March 15, 2010

 

“I never knew such a life of honesty could exist. I finally found a home I can be comfortable in…this event changed my life.

First-time attendee and reader 2013

 

 

Watching His Wife With Other Guys (Getting Fucked) – Candaulism

Candaulism: Wikipedia definition, excerpt –

Candaulism is a sexual practice or fantasy in which a man exposes his female partner, or images of her, to other people for their voyeuristicpleasure.

The term may also be applied to the practice of undressing or otherwise exposing a female partner to others, or urging or forcing her to engage in sexual relations with a third person, such as during a swinging activity. There have also been reports of a woman’s partner urging or forcing her into prostitution or pornography. Similarly, the term may also be applied to the posting of personal images of a female partner on the internet or urging or forcing her to wear clothing which reveals her physical attractiveness to others, such as by wearing very brief clothing, such as a microskirttight-fitting or see-through clothing or a low-cut top.

Etty-Candaules_King_of_Lydia_Shews_his_Wife_to_Gyges

Dr. Marty Klein’s brief article on the topic of husband’s watching their wives with other men came to my attention recently. First I realized men don’t ask women to cuddle and become physically intimate. They want to see hard core penis inserted into vagina – the mechanics. Often they stipulate no kissing – far to intimate. Here is Marty’s explanation of this sexual desire:

In a world where jealousy seems “normal,” and where so many men talk about women who cheat, there’s another kind of man. He’s the one who fantasizes about his wife or girlfriend with another guy. He may even try to make it happen in real life.

Call them cuckolds or hot-wifers (as in, ‘hey guys, check out my hot wife’); these guys are generally not really swingers, because they aren’t usually after another sexual partner for themselves. There’s more of these guys out there than you may realize.

With some cuckolds, humiliation is part of the desired experience. The script may include demeaning hubby’s penis, his lovemaking, or his attractiveness. The other gentleman may be prompted to tease him cruelly as well. In some cases, the husband may be “forced” to suck the other guy’s penis, lick his semen, or submit in other ways.

Hot-wifers, on the other hand, like to feel proud rather than degraded. They like to show off wifey, sometimes in exhibitionistic games (such as deliberate wardrobe malfunctions or exposed body parts). Unsuspecting gas station attendants, room service delivery guys, even nearby drivers or freeway truckers may get a surprised eyeful. Glass hotel elevators were made for these couples.

So why do men do this? Why do they yearn to see their wives have pleasure (or intimate talking, or even consensually rough treatment) with someone else?

Freud would have a field day with these guys: repressed homosexuality, low self-esteem, fear of rejection or abandonment (and unconsciously arranging to feel in charge of it), performance anxiety (and out-sourcing responsibility to the other guy).

And in a minority of cases, maybe the guy actually doesn’t care for his wife.

On the other hand, it can be a gift to the woman, or a demonstration of trust. It can make the couple feel closer by sharing a taboo adventure (fantasy or real). It can be the ultimate treat for an actual voyeur—not just watching, but watching something meaningful, with no fear of getting caught. It can be a way of creating a safe environment for wifey to have flings with others, whether friends or strangers. There can be a sexy emotional bonding between the two men, not to mention tangible erotic possibilities.

As the saying goes, it’s all fun and games until (unless) someone gets hurt. Wifey might become too enthusiastic about non-monogamy to suit her husband. Hubby might push wifey to do things she later regrets; she may feel his voyeuristic pleasure was more important to him than her comfort or safety. Some innocent bystanders might protest that they’re being used without their consent. And of course there’s always the chance that the extra guy turns out to be a little nutty.

Content people rarely go to therapy, so the couples discussing this in my office are generally in conflict. Frequently, it’s because he can’t take ‘no’ for an answer. That’s generally not about sex—when people can’t hear the word ‘no,’ it’s typically about power. And if the ‘no’ is about something you really, really want? There are ways to discuss it collaboratively rather than being a huge pain in the butt. And if two people can’t work something out, eventually someone has to let it go or leave the relationship. Or quarrel about it forever.

Another reason people come to therapy about this is because she wants to ‘understand’ his quirky thing. When he explains it, she may still not get it–and then imagine it’s because he doesn’t love her enough to be possessive. Or that he secretly wants the same privilege—one or more outside partners—for himself, and won’t say so directly.

Some guys don’t want any more men in their bedroom, but they love talking about the fantasy: what would it be like? What would you wear for the guy? What would you like him to do? Wouldn’t it be great if he had a huge erection, or a skillful tongue?

While some women enjoy playing the fantasy game, others find it intrusive and distracting. Or artificial and theatrical. Worse, they may assume it’s because they’re not sufficiently attractive on their own, and hubby needs to imagine and talk about crazy scenes to get excited. No one likes to think that’s true.

Some women would be fine about the fantasy game occasionally—they just don’t want it every time they have sex. That’s understandable, as so many people are trying to get away from routine in sex, rather than reinforcing it. And some women would be fine about the fantasy game if they felt confident it would stay on the fantasy level. But they’re suspicious that while they’re getting accustomed to the fantasy, hubby is plotting the next move in a longer project—ultimately acting out the fantasies they discuss.

Couples who come to see me about this subject often think they’re the only ones dealing with it. My first contribution is to be non-reactive, accept what they’re saying, and treat it like any other couples conflict. I help them talk, help them listen, help them express their fears that they won’t be able to work this out. I don’t tell them what to do, I don’t take sides, and I don’t say that these ideas are either ‘normal’ or ‘not normal.’

That’s never my job. People never need my help in arguing about who’s the normal one, who’s the kinky one, and who’s the selfish one. My job is to gently wean them off those unproductive conversations and onto more honest and productive ones.

That’s my fantasy.

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